I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately. My heart is so full and happy, I can't help but feel gratitude for what I've been through, and to see the value in all of it.
Looking back five years ago, I wanted nothing more than my husband to stay. Raise our kids and grow old together. I knew in my gut and my rational mind he was having an affair, but had he said "sorry it's done" I would've let him stay, without a doubt. This wasn't the first, and it likely wouldn't have been the last. We would've grown closer, for a few years, then he would've entered a dark unreachable hole. There would've been more lies, more broken trust, more heartache. I never would've known what it was like to love so fully, to be in a relationship where somebody takes the time to listen and understand me. With a person that makes me want to be a better person everyday. I never would've had the relationship I have now with my ex. We understand each other the better than we ever have. I appreciate the efforts he's made in the last year, as a parent and friend. It's refreshing to talk with him, instead of fight. For that I am grateful.
I was friends with a woman that was sleeping with my husband. I thank God that I no longer have someone like that in my life. There is not a single scenario I could imagine that I would EVER do that to a friend. My friends are solid, good, loving and trustworthy. They've freely given their support to me when in need, with out question or fail. As we age there will be sickness and death. They are the people I want by my side through it all. Not someone the minute there's a weakness inserts herself into your life to take for her own. I want genuine, and because of all the crap I went through I was able to see who my true friends were. My heart is full of nothing but love for those in my life.
Parenting solo, and being responsible for a house was stressful at times. Financially I was able to meet every months needs, but couldn't see beyond that. That's a pretty scary place to be in your late thirties and self employed. The house was full of surprises, and my kids at the time were 13 and 8. We went through a death of my sons friend, coming ridiculously close to failing classes, having to step up and help me with all the chores of the house, fall maintenance, winterization, getting the Christmas tree up, waking up at 6 to help shovel the long driveway, learning to drive, graduation. As stressful as times were, we were together. Step by step figuring it all out. Unbelievably we did manage to figure it out, we even renovated a bathroom, we started traveling together, having our own wacky rituals. I wouldn't change any of it for the world. I loved our five years together, they are my world, and because of all we went through our bond was only strengthened.
Now living with Rick, life has gotten easier. I have a partner again. Financially our future looks promising, together. My daughter gets to enjoy breakfast and a ride to school with him. Our animals even get more attention. I've started going to yoga. Something I have wanted to do but couldn't justify the time away in the evening from Lo or the added expense. Now I am going regularly, loving everything it does for my mind and body and feeling balanced in all areas of my life. I appreciate the ease and certainly do not take it for granted, simply amazed that it's my life. It may seem boring, but I love going grocery shopping for the family, making dinner together and getting cozy on the couch to watch a movie. Love, it's all we need.
Cheers
Posted with Blogsy
