Slowing Down

I got a dog last August from our Humane Society.  Lo and I had taken him on a hike like we have with so many other dogs, but there was something about when I put him back in the kennel I knew he was my dog.  I was going through some serious transition at the time, my business ending and I had already started with Horizon so the timing seemed off, but there was such a strong feeling I couldn't ignore.  The fact that he was clearly part border collie was the saving grace to appeal to my husband who had just lost his border collie mix after 16 years and was certain we did not need another dog.

After losing Kaiser, it was hard being out on the trails without him.  I'd go but it wasn't the same.  The joy and security I felt on our adventures was now missing, and I desperately wanted it back.  I was also unsure about getting a dog, I knew I did not want a puppy.  You can't run with a puppy until they are almost a year old, and my sole purpose for wanting a dog was to run.  I didn't want to do the puppy chewing, digging and getting up in the middle of the night and most importantly I knew I did want a rescue dog.  After having taken so many great ones out, I knew that would be my next dog.  I will say, rescues are not for everyone.  It is hard because you do not know their history or what they have been through.  My kids were older so I wasn't worried about them, and I knew I would take the time and spend the money I needed to on training a dog.  And I did.

Doug is what his name became.  He was a stray that had been adopted out twice and quickly returned (he had and still has separation anxiety).  We came up with some really great names, but walking amongst the douglas firs I called him Doug and it was the first time he responded, so he became Doug.

We run or hike 6 days a week.  We typically go 4-7 miles, and once a week 10-15.  Even though I am running more than I ever have in my life, I am running slower.  I am taking it all in.  I stop and watch Doug run, I stop and watch the birds, we walk up the beautiful places (and there are a lot) so we don't miss them.

I am not signed up for any trail races, for the first time in years.  Not because I don't like them but after losing Kaiser, I regretted the time I didn't spend with him.  The days those races would come I always wished he could be with me.  So this year, I just run with Doug, slowly, taking it in. 

Adulting and Aging

I think I must be in that magic window of life.  The one where I really appreciate aging.  I love where I am in life right now.  There is a calm, perhaps it's because my kids are older (one in college and one is 16) and life seems to slow WAY down when you are no longer running all different directions.  Granted I loved that time, but it was exhausting!   It could be my husband, I am crazy in love with this man and our life.  He will retire in less than 10 years, kids will be out of college, our house will be paid off by then.  That's all so soon, when I think of how fast the last 8 crazy years have gone. God willing we will be in good health.  I don't wish for time to go fast, but knowing this is all around the corner, makes you appreciate life in the very moment.  Maybe it's that I am no longer self employed.  As amazing as that almost 15 year run was, I have days off now.  I have paid vacation, I am not running around making trips to the hospital several times a day.  Some days I work from home, I get up early, run my dog, shower put on some comfy clothes and slippers and say to hell with make up.
I know being in good health is certainly a part of it.  I love the wisdom that comes with getting older, the letting go of stress.  That comes from the confidence to eliminate toxic people from your life.
I want to embrace this period, it feels well deserved.
After my ex husband left at the end of 2010, I made a very conscience decision to focus on my kids and myself. I had been with my ex since I was 18, we had been together for 15 years.  I lost the core of who I was.  It was truly the most healing therapeutic time of my life.  To take time to process the shit show of that year, then dive into finding myself.
I truly believe that period of self discovery allowed me the time to be closer than ever with my kids.  It was just us, and I can look back on that and really appreciate our time together.  When I met my husband, he had been on a similar path, together there was a love and calm all in one I had never felt.

As I started writing this two days ago, my friend messaged me.  It was the 8 year anniversary of her very best friend passing away.  This lovely woman was 31 with a 2 year old daughter and infant son.  She died of breast cancer.  It was yet another reminder to live the very best life I can.  Be kind, speak the truth and love with your whole heart. It is an honor to be alive.