Kai

It's been over five weeks since Kaiser died, and I miss him everyday. I look for him in everything I do, knowing I will never see him again, rub behind his ears, or give him goodnight kisses. Wanting desperately for that one more day so I could've slept on the floor with him that night telling him how great he was, and how much he was loved. We would've had ice cream together because he loved it, and I loved watching him eat it so slow as to savor every bite. It truly makes my heart hurt thinking about this. I know some won't understand the depth of my connection with Kaiser, and others will understand exactly how it was, because they've likely been there before.
How do you honor an animal that meant so much? In those final moments I gave him all the I love you's and I'll miss you's. However those frantic moments that I knew were his last as I held his head, went way to fast. He deserved a much better last day, but sadly most don't get that. Unlike humans they can't tell us when they are feeling so bad, instead they muster up what little energy they have to show us it's alright.
When I think back I've been preparing for Kaiser to go for years. At six he was diagnosed with pretty severe arthritis in his lower spine, losing use of his right rear leg. At eight he had emergency surgery for bloat, losing his spleen. I told myself I would need to make a choice when his quality suffered. I told myself I wanted to get him up to one last mountain lake before he died. Yet, as he got worse I worked with his vet to come up with a regimen of anti inflammatories, muscle relaxers and pain killers to get through bad "episodes", in July he was feeling good so we hiked up a short hike to Lake Clara so he could go to a mountain lake "one last time", yet as he lay dying I realized no time would be enough, I had so many more plans for "us". Perhaps he knew I would never be able to let him go. He ended up dying of a bleed (likely an undetected tumor) in his lungs.

In the end I truly believe he went when he knew I would be ok. In the almost 10 years with Kaiser, I went though some of my hardest times.

Every night of his life he went to bed on the floor beside my side of the bed, at some point in the night after I was asleep he would make his way to his big bed at the end of my bed. I always said I swore he slept withg one eye open, always on the watch for us.

He was never a dominant dog, in fact when it came to other dogs he was a rather insecure male. When we brought him to our house as a puppy in December of 2006 he joined Obie, our then grieving 3 year old Bassett hound (we had lost our Great Dane Dharma in June that year). I wrongly assumed Obie was lonely for another dog. Perhaps he was, but a male German Shepard was
obviously not on his list.

Obie quickly asserted himself as the dominant male, and bossed and bullied Kaiser until he got too old to do so. If Kaiser was eating out of his food bowl, Obie would take it, if Kai laid in one bed, Obie would make him get up and go to the other. He would stand in front of their igloo and bark until Kaiser came out. He also led Kaiser to doggy jail on one of Obie's many "bust outs", however Kaiser
was not a fan of doggy jail and any future times Obie got out I'd find Kaiser sitting at the side door, almost apologetically telling me he was so sorry he told Obie he shouldn't do it. Yet he always loved his basset hound. He loved his kitty, when he was a puppy we had two kittens, Meredith Grey and Annabelle, and he would walk around the house carrying Meredith in his mouth. I'd find her nearly
licked to death other times. Sadly Meredith went missing one night, Annabelle didn't quite feel the
same way about Kai, but I'd catch moments of her rubbing on him. In fact the day he died, my mom and sister were over and before we took Kaiser to the vet, because it was obvious he was not well, they said she walked right up to him and rubbed on him, almost as to say good bye.
When my ex husband moved out in 2010, the many months prior to him deciding to move out was complete chaos, and the most stress I have ever been through. Kaiser was with me during this entire time, often times I didn't even notice because I was too wrapped in my grief. He followed me everywhere, sat with me when I sat, walked when I walked. Being there for me in case I needed him. I remember just being in tears and there he was and I would sit crying and talking to him, the whole time he'd look into my eyes, and as he did through out his life he'd place his paw on my arm......a gentle reminder that everything is ok and he's there.
Once it was apparent I was on my own with the kids, I wanted to start hiking with them, and not having my husband there was not going to stop us. I had Kaiser and he made me feel secure. One by one we started marking of the mountain lakes in the Henry M Jackson Wilderness. This brought such a sense of freedom to me to be out there. It made me feel alive, and all the worries slip away. Plus the kids and I loved seeing Kaisers excitement when he'd see a lake. He'd always pause before it and look to me and I'd say "go ahead", and he'd take off running into it.

These were the best of times. I owe Kaiser so much because of him we were able to create some of the best memories as a family.
I started trail running when he got arthritis because I enjoyed running with him so much, and he enjoyed it. He was given the go ahead as long as it was on dirt. I think we were both instantly hooked and in love. Again, I never felt alone of afraid on those trails, because I had my constant companion by my side.

So to say I miss him is an understatement. I will likely always miss him and want "one more day". I was also be eternally grateful to the time he was here and I got lucky enough to be his human.

Any of you that have that loyal companion now, remember their time here is so short. They love you and want to please you, honor them, and love them, because when they are gone I guarantee you'll wish you had more time.

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Lilo

5 years ago my son was a freshman, Lo was 9 and I was a single mama. I'd wake them up at 5:45 make Lo a quick breakfast they'd get ready in record time and out the door at 6:05. I dropped her off at "Helens" (a lifesaver to us early morning working moms) She graciously let Lo come in before school, be a "helper" and lead the littler kids to school a short walk away. My son went to the hospital and helped open up shop, get breakfast have a coffee and walk to school, I loved that time with him.
Things have changed a lot since then, but now Lo is working for an hour before school with me. Sure Rick could take her to school, but truthfully I enjoy time. I've been at this job since the kids were 1 and 6, I miss a lot of before school mornings.
Lo gets up at 5:20 to get ready, we are out the door by 6:10 and working by 6:20. I will cherish this year and time with her, for I know just how fast it will go.

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Whole

I was last in Boulder over six years ago, broken and seeking some sort of refuge from my sadness. I've been lucky to have been coming here for almost 20 years. Emotionally, spiritually and physically this place feeds my soul. I have a dear friend here, he was my roommate briefly at HPU and we go years without seeing each other, but when we do I am reminded the bond of true friends, they are always there, even when you don't see them often.

When I was here last I wouldn't say I received what I was seeking, but rather clarity. I couldn't run away to escape sadness. I needed to suck it up and rely on myself to find that happiness within again, and I did.

I am so happy to return here whole again. It feels good. My son and I are having a blast, hiking, running, shopping, eating and drinking. Boulder is my ideal vacation (much like Bend, Oregon, just bigger), a balance of culture, outdoor beauty and recreation.

 

 

 

Tonight we mark one off the bucket list and will see a concert at Red Rocks, then back home to my daughter and husband (man, that feels so good to say)! It's been great, but can't wait to get home to the rest of my family!

 

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E L O P E D

We did it! After much deliberating, thinking, trying to plan and stressing, 10 days before our vacation to Kauai we decided to get married there!

Neither one of us are "showy" people. Attention on us makes us cringe. Yet we love our friends and family immensely and wanted to put on the wedding for them. Ultimately we decided to do it for us.

We did it in a place that holds so much meaning for Rick and his family. For years I've watched them spread his dad's ashes in loving memory here. It felt like the perfect place to commit our lives
together. He is my husband, the man I will spend the rest of my life loving unconditionally. I'm a very lucky girl.

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Summer

It feels VERY good to be settled in our new home, because of that we've been able to fully enjoy our summer. There's been little time for blogging because I continue to work through the summer, with a week off each month to travel. Workouts happen before work, and play happens when I'm off. Our rest days we've been able to devote almost 40 hours to the animal shelter this summer, and that feels so good. Needless to I sleep well too!

Earlier this year, I moved up to "blue" dogs at the shelter. They are the bigger dogs, and need a little more working with. As a "green" dog (little dogs) volunteer we didn't have much of a chance to get too attached to any particular dog (that's a good thing at the shelter), because they get homes rather fast. Blue dogs on the other hand, we sometimes have that one special one we bond with (many we love), that we just know will make the perfect pet for someone with a little time devoted to them.

Our shelter is an amazing place. It's roomy, clean and the staff and volunteers care. However some dogs simply get stuck, for a while. They become our project dogs, dogs we work with regularly, take out to get exposed, and generally just love.

This experience for both my daughter and I has been amazing. We look forward to many more years with the shelter.

Here's a few of our favorites.

 

 

This is Babylon, she and I put a lot of miles running and hiking together. I adored her, she was recently adopted and I hope she has finally landed in her forever home!

 

This guys outcome wasn't so good. He's the ones you remember and become more determined to work and train the dogs and give them as much love as you can in that short time...

 

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Time.

It doesn't slow down. At least while you are raising kids. My daughter is the very reason I haven't blogged much lately. I love to blog, for myself. It's my way of remembering. It was the most valuable tool for me after my divorce. So many people I knew through work hurt and worried for me, they wanted to ask questions, but couldn't, and if they had I couldn't answer. The blog allows me to express what is going on, without having to retell it over and over. During that time it was therapeutic, now it serves as a record of our lives. In the day and age of digital photography we take lots of pictures and print little. I like most have great intentions of one day sitting around with my external hard drive and making photo books of the years..... One day right!?

Right now my daughter keeps me busy. I have a lot of teacher friends, that sigh a huge relief when it's summer and they finally have time. It's a little different for us working moms. Summer means less time and more detailed planning, as to not lose any more valuable time. There's are very real struggle of balance in the summer. As my daughter has gotten older the guilt is less and it's easier to not feel as bad about being at work while she is home. However, it doesn't mean I want her sitting around doing nothing all day everyday. So we have decided three of the weekdays after I get off we head outside. She gets a couple off days and those are the days I can run before work and swim at noon. We've agreed to one long hike a week, one paddle board (which we're finding we venture out several evenings a week now we love it so much), and one bike ride. The ride has only happened once with a lot of enticing of lunch midway. She keeps "opting" for shorter hikes to Lake Clara or Saddlerock instead. That's ok with me as long as we're out. Consequently I'm exhausted! It's ok, because I'm well aware our time is limited. I've lost friends to cancer that were parents, and currently another friend whose daughter is Lo's age is in the final stages of a brain tumor. I remind myself this when I'm feeling tired. When I got divorced not only was I hurt by my Ex, but I was so angry that I now lost time with my kids. Everyother weekend and one night a week didn't seem like a big deal to most, but it crushed me. That first summer we set out hiking, spending hours away from everyone else and technology, just us and the wilderness. I was desperate for this removal from society and all I couldn't control. With my ex we had done the "standard" Wenatchee hikes, and ventured to Colchuck once when the kids were little, but this wasn't a part of our lives. I was excited to make it part of the kids and mine. I studied up on our local wildlife (black bears, Bobcats, coyotes, snakes and Cougars), and their behavior as to what to expect if they encounter humans (needless to say I don't want to see a cougar). I wrote down trail instructions (because I didn't have a smart phone until very recently), and we set out to mark off all the hikes in the Enchantments and Cascades. We've done an excellent job of it. Now I'm not nervous and find myself heading to these places of sanctuary any chance we get, for breakfast, lunch or just a little reading at the lake.

My poor dog can't make the treks anymore and it breaks my heart. However I want him around a little longer so he gets little walks and dips in the canal instead. After volunteering with the Humane Society the last two years, they trust us enough and essentially let Lo and I borrow a dog for these adventures. It's been awesome. So in snap shots this is how summer is going.

On our way to Lake Valhalla early June

Babylon is one of the best dogs, I adore her!

LOTS of this

 

A little of this

 

 

More of this

 

Living, Loving and Laughing

 

 

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NOLA

This post feels long overdue, but it's summer and majority of my awake time is spent outside having fun!

Ok New Orleans with a 14 and 19 year old. Very glad we went. As always the kids and I have so much fun with the experience of traveling together. That being said, I'm not sure I would go back to vacation. If a conference or class brought me back, for sure, but to vacation again probably not. However, I do feel like everyone should see it at least once. It is unlike ANY U.S. City.
Now the details. We went mid June a Tuesday-Saturday. It was CHEAP. It was HOT and HUMID. So humid Lo's glasses would fog up anytime we'd step outside. I've been a lot of hot and humid places before but this one takes the cake for the most humid experience. This however does not bother us, if it does I wouldn't recommend going in the summer. What was harder for me was how cold the air conditioning inside anywhere was, I quickly learned to pack a sweater.
We opted to stay in the French Quarter, it proved to be very easy to walk or take the street car anywhere we wanted to go. I absolutely loved our hotel http://www.hotellemarais.com/ the staff was amazing, it was a cute boutique hotel, with a decent breakfast every morning, and clean for such an old building. If you want to be in the heart of things this is definitely it. The location is on Conti Street right between Bourbon and Royal (by the end we made sure we were walking back on Royal instead of Bourbon). They say things are always going on in the French Quarter, and this is true, however I noticed it really ramp up on Friday and was kind of glad we were flying out Saturday.
Food, well it's great! A few of the note worthies were the Bourbon House, Red Fish, and the Royal House. The last is in a really old building, which is part of the charm, great staff but does have a bit of a musty smell to it (a lot of place do because of the age plus humidity). Of course Beignets from Cafe Du Monde. I believe they were $3 of a plate (plenty for the three of us to share), and truly offered a nice little break from walking in the heat. We'd get a plate, share it and they give you water, we quickly guzzled down. We did get them to go one day, but they weren't as good. My son got a muffuletta from the Central Grocery and said it was awesome. I don't eat meat, and do not like olives. This thing was filled with both.
Tours we did the Grayline walking ghost tour. It had pretty good reviews, I think we just didn't get a good guide. There was some good history, but not very good ghost stories..... I'd do another one again with a different company.
We did a airboat gator tour with Grayline as well. Depending on what you are looking for this could be good. Gators, we saw a lot. A little scenery in the bayou was also pretty cool. I had a hard time with a few things. I quickly realized this was NOT the most natural setting, the alligators clearly know what the boats mean and swim right too it, and are fed Marshmallows. I don't know, because I am not a gator expert but this does not seem like a good thing. Then at one point our boat driver pulls out a baby alligator and passed it around, this also was all cute and great until my curiosity got the better of me and I asked (after noticing other boats had baby alligators too), why they have them. They are farmed. Again I had a sick feeling like I should leave it alone, but I couldn't, and truly was hoping this was some sort releasing back into the wild program. It's not, the guide informed me when they are three feet long most get killed to make the souvenirs in the store (was really wishing he would've even said for food). Needless to say at this point my $70 pp tour didn't feel like such a good thing to be supporting.
The World War II museum was excellent! We spent around 4 hours in there. Watching the 4-D movie shortly after arriving added to how wonderful it was. This is a must if you love history and are there. We were going to take the street car that day, but it was actually faster to walk...maybe a mile. I felt safe enough, and it was pretty easy to get to.
We did take the street car to the Layfette Cemetery. If you are there walking through a cemetery is a must. The oldest one right in the French quarter is locked and can only be toured with a tour. Going out to the Layfette Cemetery is worth it to see the garden district (beautiful homes). There's also a restaurant that was recommended to us across the street the Commanders Palace, just check the times. We missed it because they close for a few hours mid afternoon.
We covered the entire French quarter by foot, this was awesome. I LOVED the old buildings and architecture of the time. Plus they are restoring many to their original charm.
The downside to New Orleans. Poverty. Unlike anywhere I have ever been. It was destitution. I'm fairly certain this is why crime is rampant there. The explotation of child, was horrifying. The streets smell of urine and vomit. You get used to this and I was warned ahead of time, but by the end of our trip it was hard to stomach anymore. They do hose the streets off every morning, this was the nicest time for walking around.
There you have it, the good the bad and the ugly!

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