Strength

"Strength does not come from physical capacity.  It comes from and indomitable will."
-Mahatma Ghandi

In January I had an encounter with Lars that at that very moment I decided I would no longer let his mood, attitude or behavior dictate mine.  That from there on I would remain true to who I am, and how I feel.  There would be no "he does this, so I am", my priorities would remain mine, and I would try to remember that my priorities are NOT his.

This practice has been working...until this week the emotions got the best of me again.  My divorce will be final in just over a week, and the reality of ending a union that started 15 years ago with a phone call will be over.  Things like a Neil Diamond (crazy huh?) song sent the waterworks going.  I remembered going to a concert with Lars (disclaimer Lars not I was the fan), if you've never been to a Neil concert it is somewhat of a surreal experience, you know the tight V neck suit with sparkles along with the American flag coming down to Coming to America.  This was an experience, a memory I shared with him.  I have lots of them and I am struggling with cherishing these memories, and yet not being sad because we will no longer create anymore together.

This process is unlike any I have ever been through, and one I hope to never repeat!  I don't have a lot of anger, just sadness over the loss, but mostly gratitude for the compassion and love that everyone in my life has shown me!   I have always felt my life was a good one, but this process ironically  has confirmed if not strengthen that.  Thank you friends and family again for your love, support, hugs in times of need, helping with my old house, helping with the kids, happy hours!  I am blessed!