Fear

The quote "do what you fear most" keeps popping up, and I keep asking myself what is it I fear?  I failed at marriage, and that was something I feared, but I came out stronger and with a lot more perspective!   I tried to think of a physical event I fear, swimming comes the closest, but rather than fear it's just a goal to improve!  At this point in my life the thing I fear most is still failure, but it's in failing my son.  He's almost 16 and it has set in, that my guiding role in his life is coming close to an end, that one day soon he will be an adult making his own decision, and I hope that I have raised him to be a competent, successful adult.  Its hard, and I am doing it on my own.  The illusion that his Dad would co parent was just wishful thinking on my part, he's more interested in being his buddy.  I don't think it's right, but I see where it's coming from, and it is what it is.  My child is a bright, smart kid, good kid, and good to his Mom and sister, but he's lazy at times and lacks ambition right now.  I am constantly asking parents with older kids for advice.  I originally thought without a doubt he'd go straight to a  4 year university, but his grades the last two years have been less than stellar, not because he can't do it, but because he does the minimum that's required.  He can take a test without ever studying and passes, but those grades don't cut it for a 4 year, nor do I want to send him to a 4 year school until he figures out the importance of hard work.....it's hard, and stressful, and right now this is what I fear the most.
I know he will be ok, and the path I originally thought he'd  take, might not be the one he takes at all, but eventually he will get there.  The ultimate wish I have for him is to be happy, and he will always have my love and support.  Rick and I often joke that if we build a house I may need to make a room for him.  He'd be welcome anytime and for however long, but when he has a family of his own, it'd be nice if he could support them!