23 Hours

I've got this! My kids are back in less than a day, then we are off the NYC. I REALLY don't like when they have to be away. Fortunately for me the only time is Christmas and Spring Break, and we are almost through with that portion. I hate the ridiculousness of my kids sitting home alone at their Dads house, because they have to, when they could be fully supervised at my house. My coping:  exhaust myself! I am really good at this!

Friday we went to the Tri-cities because I signed up to do a trail run 3 days prior (after having my friends over for dinner and discovering they were doing this run, I figured why not). This run was awesome! I was a little apprehensive because I like to be prepared. I hadn't run much over 6 miles since last fall, and had just gotten back on our trails here, but as I've gotten older I've lost a bit of that competitive edge, along with just trusting the fact that overall I am in good physical shape and can do it. I love trail running and this was no exception. It was not an easy course, at all....a lot of climbing, but I love that. I love being in that environment. I love the smells, the dirt and good cheer of the other trail runners, plus at the switchbacks I could see my friend...both of us with huge perma grins on our face!

Rick got in a ride during the run with the cycling club down there, and enjoyed just hanging with his family after. It was a little treat! Yesterday, tired and sore I met up with my other friend, that commutes over here on the weekends because his fiancé lives here, but she works weekends....needless to say it makes for a great riding partner. We set out on my favorite go to ride, the Pinnacles! Just wonderful, now still tired and sore heading out again....doing the things I love, at the same time wearing myself out the time flies and it's a little less painful being away from my children.

 

And we're off

Two people I love very much! Way to go you two! (Scott ran the 50k....with a smile)

I

I love this man!

Got to ride out with this gal, it's been way too long!

As always a great day cycling in the valley!

 

 

 

Cheers to less than a day!

 

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That Little Ache

I've kind of been ignoring the fact that it's Spring break and I'm going to have to part with my kids for 3 full days. Knowing this, my evening was dedicated to my kids, we ate, hung out, looked at old pictures, chatted and watched tv. They are mine, and I am used to having them to myself, not that I don't want to share them with Rick but as we start to create a life together, I still find myself cherishing our alone times too. He is the most gracious man to allow us that. I know he too will miss them, especially Lo, the two of them have a pretty special relationship, but he gives us time and space. Makes me love him all the more that he gets it!

I tried to tell myself leadng up to this little separation, that it's getting easier. It's not.....it still sucks, and I still miss them. They change so fast, I love experiencing it all. My son will likely take the chance to sleep a lot (pretty typical for his breaks), but it gets harder to watch my daughter go. As she gets older things that were once fun for her there aren't as much now, simply because she's growing and maturing. I get it because I see it everyday, but it hurts my heart that she could be the one slightly out of place. As a mom I just want everyone that comes into contact with them to realize and know how special they are. To make them feel loved and wanted at all times. This break is not as hard as the week at Christmas, but not having my snuggle bug for three full days is a longtime for this mom.

I have plenty to do. We leave the for NYC the day after the kids get back so I truly do have plenty to do getting my house and the business ready so we can fly out the next morning.

I'm excited my kids have to trip to look forward to, that they will be counting days down until we hop on a plane. I know it will all go fast, but at night on the Eve of saying good bye for a few days there's that familiar ache.....

 

This shot was from right before Tuesdays track workout. Lo's been bringing a friend and I caught them running before. So cute.

 

 

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Divorce/Parenting

Divorce is hard.  I used to think it's even harder when you have kids, now I realize its hard and sad either way.  I have a friend who's divorce was just finalized, after roughly 14 years of marriage.  I see the pain in her eyes, and I feel the ache in her heart. I hate it all over again, because I know how much she is hurting and all she will have to work through to find peace again.

I used to be pissed at my ex for breaking our family up and forcing me to part with my kids every other weekend, but thank God I had them.  As hard as everything was, I still had them.  They were such a blessing and a focus for me to put all my energy into raising them and "us" getting through all these changes together.  My little Miss was only 8 but she was such an amazing source of strength for me.
My friend will get through this because she has really great, wonderful people in her life.  If she chooses she will never have to speak to her ex again.  I'm pretty much tied to my ex for life through our kids (hence the wise words my friends always repeats:  "be careful who you let impregnate you").  Although as time goes by, and he becomes less and less a part of our lives,  it  feels ok, even normal.  There's always issues that clearly arise when you parent majority of the time, then for  little bits in the month they (the ex) is in charge for a day or two.  Right now, we have a teenage son.  A smart teenage son, one that's figured out that if he lies to his Dad and gets caught the consequence are far less at his house,  by the time he returns to his Dads  house two weeks later its all but forgotten.   At my house if this were to  happen he'd have to face the consequences for days in a row. He  knows that even if the consequence's get in the way of something I have planned or going on, I will cancel (I won't be happy about it), but that's part of  being the parent, having to follow through.  It's my job and my role, the one I take most serious in life.  I've been doing this on my own for the last 3 1/2 years now, I no longer count on their Dad.  If he shows up, or follows through, bonus for my kids.  If not, his loss.  My kids don't seem to get disappointed anymore.  Nor does it bother me anymore.

I have two other friends going through a divorce right now, one with kids and one without.  All smart, wonderful and strong woman.  Their experience will be hard, because they are the type of woman that want to go through the emotions.  One will learn to get on with her life without ever having anymore ties to her ex, the other will have to figure out the way to go through life with out this person, but knowing their children will forever connect them together.
The only thing I can tell them (that was told to me), they will be ok.  That one day they will forgive, not for the other person, but for themselves.  They won't grieve, they won't look back, instead their future and possibilities will excite them.
I was given some of the greatest gifts from my ex.  First my children.  Second the gift to find myself and experience life to the fullest.  I appreciate the good people in my life, every moment with my kids, and I am living, really living.  

The List gets Bigger

I've been putting a lot of time into planning our trip down under. I basically search about ten different search engines for an hour a day seeing what routes, fairs, and times are new (have I mentioned I love information, and researching in general). Prices to the land of Oz were getting downright ridiculous so I typed in Thailand, then used the social media (FB) and threw it out there for tips. Well I compiled (and still compiling) GREAT info, as well as contacts. Then Australia went down again (on Emerites Air going through Dubai, and yes for a few days I also considered taking a 14 hour plane to Dubai only to catch another 14 hour plane to Sydney), but what this has done is made other airlines competitive again, so we're back on for Sydney, but now I have a huge desire to experience Thailand in the near future!

 

I also need to clear something up. It is just the kids and I going. Most assume Rick is going then a little shocked when I say no. People, this is all good with BOTH of us. He of course was asked, however he would rather not fly anywhere for that long and I respect that. We have been fortunate to travel quite a bit together the last couple of years, and I love when he joins us, but I am also very capable of going on my own. This was something VERY important I learned after my divorce. I didn't jump right into another relationship, or depend on anyone else to take care of myself and kids. I had time to gain my (much needed) independence and confidence in myself. Something I had craved for years, but wasn't able to achieve, to no fault of anyone else but myself.

Rick and I talked today about what a healthy relationship we have. Someone (obviously not close to us) said the other day "I don't think Rick ever stands up to you", this struck me as odd at first, but then made me so very happy. Perhaps that's how my previous relationship was, each of us always trying to "stand up" to the other, but this is not my life now. There is no "standing up" to each other, we discuss things and listen to each other, and I love it. When I decided that I would be taking my kids to Australia, I knew it was unlikely Rick would want to go. Traveling is my passion and I make it a priority, my fiancé likes travel to an extent but for the cost of a trip like this he'd rather get a new bike, and I love this about him. I love that he knows what makes him happy in life. It's a mutual respect we have for one another, he gets my love for travel and is great with me coming and going, and I am great with him buying as many bikes as his heart desires, and spending hours out in forested lands or on the road with the guys riding them. It's good for him, makes him happy and he deserves it. I think if you asked him the same about me and travel he'd say the same thing.

 

Because I spend my free time searching for that unbelievable deal, my camera isn't being used, but here's a cute shot from this morning!

 

 

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A Few Things

House Hunt/ Wedding. We are no closer to making any further commitments, but we are gathering a lot of information! We both feel very fortunate to be in the position we are in. We are in no rush, we are not having kids together, we have two roofs over our head, we are in a very good place. I rather like the gathering of information, what to do with it is the hard part! Details stress me out, as for the wedding I would be great with running away and marrying the man I love, however this is Ricks first (and only) wedding, his family is very important to us and want to include them (and of course my family). I think once we decide when, this will help us determine where, then I may just turn over the planning to my sister, Lo and one of my best friends, they're good with these things!

The tricky part with the houses, we want to wait to move in together to closer to the wedding. We've looked at four houses that varied about 150k in price from each other, you'd think there would be options, but there's not. Part of it is we pretty much know exactly what it is we want in our home together and don't need to settle until we find or build it. 2 of the houses were nice, with some great features, just not what we are looking for. The other two I couldn't get out of fast enough!

What's important to us....layout. We want a home that we can live on one level, but have plenty of room for our family. I want a place that when my kids have kids of their own, they will come back and stay. Ideally we want a rambler with a daylight basement. The other thing, that may be more difficult to accommodate, we want a place where Rick can have a bike shop, ideally in the house or off an attached garage. We both have quite a few bikes, plus all our other outdoor gear, and it's not going anywhere. This is part of our life, and I am happy to accept we need to find a home with space for that!

I will admit I am having a hard time wrapping my head around parting with my house. It's not perfect for us, I know, but this weekend I went to the park (just around the corner) to throw the ball for my dogs, one of my best friends lives across the street, she and her husband came over. Lo and a friend were there playing volleyball. As I walked home another friends husband passed by and honked, then later that night we walked down to some friends a block away for an evening outside enjoying their pizza oven and the company of other neighborhood couples. I love where my house is, it is exactly who I am, and while I love the quite and serenity of Ricks house, I also very much love my neighborhood and being so close to friends, walking distance close. All this makes deciding what's best even harder!

 

In the meantime this is what's been going on.

Lo and I completed the last of our eight hours of cake decorating class (that's a story in itself)

 

Obie got some love

My man had his fastest time ever in the Fondo.

 

Thinking the new Set Coaching kits looking really good on these fellas!

 

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Snot (yep)

This is a truly disgusting post, if  bodily fluids leave you queasy DON'T READ.

Somewhere early on in cycling I got in the habit of snot rocketing while pedaling. It's somewhat essential, if you're like me and have allergies, not to mention efficient. Gross yes, but such sweet relief. I am truly in awe of how many times I clear my sinuses while riding, each time breathing a little better!

This really is quite common on the bike and when riding with a group you practice common courtesy, if the need arises you simply drop back and blow ( I have been victim of being hit by a strangers snot in STP, PEOPLE, if you are riding with thousands of others, just assume someone is behind you).

Here's the problem, I am fast and smooth with the whole process, meaning this habit has now trickled in to my running, which for the most part is okay, because I run alone, or with my other female friend that does the same (there's a kinship in this habit). What's not okay is when I am running on a busy street just blowing away. I know a lot of people through the hospital, often driving the route I am running, yet I get so, lost in my own world and doing what's natural. To take it a step further I have found myself doing this when Obie and I go for a walk after dropping Lo off at school, this is utterly ridiculous! There you have it, my personal evaluation of the snot rocket, what is and isn't acceptable!

On a nicer more pleasant note, here's some photos from today's ride. I have got some fantastic rides in recently. Pushing myself to do more challenging rides (that's the way it goes, if I am slacking in running no excuse but to pick up the slack in cycling).

 

 

This is a gorgeous time of year around here!

 

 

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Monday

This is what I call the shower coma

It happens every Monday between 2 and 2:45. I love it, and Mondays. It's the result of a very active weekend, that starts Friday. This weekend in particular in Wenatchee was absolutely perfect. Spring was kind enough to show up and let us play. I cram it ALL in, and soak up as much of the outdoors as possible, resulting in over 80 miles of cycling and 15 of running in these four days. By Monday at 2 I've got a couple hours of work in, a great long workout in, house cleaned and dinner prepped for tonight. The shower is the icing on the cake, and the 30 minutes of quite before it's time to get my daughter are bliss. (Tuesday-Thursday I refer to as the ass kicker days)!

 

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Moving Forward

Well the next step (after a giant yard sale) to starting our life with Rick is moving in together. Lucky him, he and Maddi (his dog), get to combined with two kids, two dogs, two rats, a cat and myself, have I ever mentioned what a patient man he is?!?!

This may be easier said than done. I pride myself on not putting too much attachment onto material items. My house one of them, I've always liked the idea of being free to move on.

I always envisioned myself downsizing and moving into a very cute little bungalow, but as Rick and I talk, and figure out what we want in a home this will not be the case. We are at that point in our lives where we want to think about our forever home. Rick's 45 and it's important to be able to retire early and have no house payments, I am (much younger j/j) 36 but with an almost adult child, so I too am looking forward to our later adult years together. For me I want a place my children always feel at home, one that in ten years from now they will bring their families to, and our grandchildren will stay with us. Where we can have Ricks family up for holidays and have plenty of room. There's also our realistic side, we are both active people with a lot of gear. We want a space for all our bikes, AND an indoor space where Rick can work on them. We want separation of space, so my son and his buddies can continue to hang at our house playing ping pong and watching tv alone.

We're meeting a realtor tomorrow to go through both of our houses and help us start getting an idea.

The thing is, as I get ready to do this, I find myself realizing how attached I am to my home. The first two years following the divorce I really just wanted to sell it and create my own space. But that's what I have done with my home. I have been here almost 6 years and my ex only lived here for two of the years. I have remodeled, painted, sold and bought stuff. It feels very much like me. I love this old home. At time it's frustrating when all the little things go wrong, but I've been here long enough I feel comfortable taking care of it. It's the place I feel that has been the biggest part of my kids life, the place they will always remember and hopefully love. So yeah, I get a little weepy with the thought of selling.

I am completely in love with Lo's room, she has the coolest closets you can't see in this picture, but you have to walk through a closet to actually get to her room.

We are heading out to look at a house I am pretty sure I will fall in love with in a few minutes, but yikes. I'm pretty sure I forgot to plan for meeting the love of my life and moving in together when I envisioned my future. Cheers to new beginnings!

*A little update on the house we looked at.  It was a very nice house, with a lot pros, but I have to say the pictures that were online made the house look better than it was.  It was a great first house to look at, but not our forever home.  It made me very excited to think of creating a home with Rick, but I was also very happy when I returned to my home!

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I'm a Planner

I love planning, mostly vacations. I love the research behind it, reading the reviews, deciding where to stay, spending countless days searching for the right airfare. I don't do it just by price either, I figure in price, route and aircraft! I get excited just writing this.

Last week I talked myself out of a new car, all because I am saving for this

Yep, this is where the kids and I are traveling in December. (A little note about the car. I have one that's only a few years old, and honestly quite perfect for me, plus it's paid off, so it's not like I need a car, I just really miss luxury cars)!

My son will be a senior next year so I gave him the choice of what country/continent would he want to travel to in Decemember (I have two weeks of uninterrupted time with the kids, with out having to trade a day, hence December). He didn't really care, so I threw out a few I enjoyed from my flight attendant days. London, Austria, Australia.....he chose Australia. Out of all the places I have been this is the one place I have most desired to go back to. However planning is over whelming, this is a very large country. And a little more costly than I originally thought.

For planning I went straight to one of the best sources. I have a friend from Australia. I met up at his house last week for a couple hours. I got wonderful advice, how to get more of a real "Aussie" experience, how to travel between Sydney and Melbourne, what to see and where to stay along the way. How many days are typically needed, Australian search engines, plus he emailed me the following day with a PDF of a mapped out trip so I could have that on file to go back to while planning! I have travel books and notes from Ricks co-worker that just got back, and have been reading many reviews on the different places to stay. My kids may be in for a real treat, because one place I want to stay is about four hours south of Sydney, by rental car.....me driving on the "wrong" side of the road, oh dear!

$$$ for the trip, the amount I may spend on this trip makes me slightly ill, but I can do it! First the airfare in December is ridiculous, however Hawaiian seems to be the cheapest, by about $2000. for the three tickets, plus I have enough miles for a departure (the more expensive leg of the trip). We'll see though, I do have a wedding I am in need of planning and Hawaii is at the top of our list right now for destination wedding, so may use those miles then...which brings me to the other way I am saving for this trip. Having two big houses full of furniture, that will be eventually combined into one, I have been going craigslist happy selling and getting ready to sell stuff. I love it. We have too much of everything so have been picking and choosing what we will keep and what we won't, money from selling everything in my house is paying for Australia!

 

After I get the Australia details set, we will try to get some wedding plans in order. For the record I am very much enjoying the initial wedding planning phase!

 

Just a fun picture of my après ski snack this last weekend!

 

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March 1st

March 1st, three years ago I faced a future of uncertainty, now it's a day to celebrate new beginnings.  That day three years ago was the hardest of my life. I walked into a court room with three of my best friends and lawyer, a dear friend as well. As the petitioner in an uncontested divorce I was the only one that needed to show up. My friends, voluntarily took off from their busy days to be there for me. I will never be able to adequately express what this meant to me. I remember walking through the metal detector and being overcome with all of it. My heart was racing and I couldn't breath, a full on panic attack and there they all were. My papers were stamped, my 12 year marriage dissolved. That was it.

Somehow in the hours that followed a lightness came over me. It was done, no more wondering, no more hoping, no more being disappointed, it was done. My friends and I gathered to say a toast to the future, met up with the rest of the girls. We laughed and cried through the evening. This was love, and I am lucky enough to experience it.

Fast forward three years. I am living life on my terms, supporting myself and kids and running a business. Appreciating and enjoying life more. I am with a man, that loves me for exactly who I am. My relationship with my kids was only strengthened through all of this. I continue to be in awe that somehow I met the ladies that are now my best friends. My life feels full and blessed, and I don't take it for granted.

I have always believed life is a series of lessons, ones we should learn from and continue on, improving along the way! Cheers

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