The Unspectacular Spectacular

Some weekends go like that. Sitting fresh out of the shower in a clean house, grass mowed and back tired from a full day of house work.....feels good.

It had been six weeks since my kids had spent a weekend at their Dads, while I've loved every minute, being the solo full time parent meant utter neglect of my house, and I didn't even realize it. Not to mention how tired I've been. To fit anything extra like running in, I'd do it first thing on the weekend mornings so I could be home before my little miss wakes up. Sure she's old enough to be home alone, but she and I love our weekend mornings together. Big breakfasts and lots of coffee.

Of course I missed my kids this weekend, but it was wonderful to spend an evening with my man at our neighbors watching a movie in the driveway, sleeping in and going for a long ride, vedging on his over sized couch catching up on People magazine. Today he was out on an all day ride with his friends, just me and my house. I loved it. I cleaned my garage, mowed my lawn, pulled weeds, did laundry, vacumed, it honestly felt like the most spectacular day!

Rick only stays when the kids are away, as you can see Ann loves it

I've lived here now four years on my own, I love it. I had no idea how great my independence could be, how much I would come to love my house. How much I would gain from this. In a year (or less) I will be giving a bit of this up again. I am excited to start my life with Rick but, part of me weeps a little at leaving this. Yet I'd like to think this has been good, I will never again be so dependant on someone I am in fear of being alone, I get to bring this new me to mine and Ricks new life, it's a better me.

My ex is getting ready to move again.  There was a time I was envious he could just pack up an start over with no ties to a home and responsibilities. If you had asked me ten years ago I would've said I was the one always with one foot out the door, ready to try a new adventure or experience something, anything new, and he was the one wanting to be in one place. The reality is I've live in 2.5 homes (.5 counting my crash pad in SF) in the last 15 years, this is who I am and I like it.  I like making a home and settling in, it's taken me until now to realize this. So not exciting or spectacular, but yet so wonderful to me. Cheers, to doing what makes us truly happy, the big and the little things!

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Seattle Siren

This is my friend Corrin's recent blog post.  I love this girls soul, she is one of the most honest, kind loving free spirited souls I have ever met.  While at times she has had a colored past, she has always spoken, and written with such raw honesty and with that is beauty.  Much love and best wishes to her in Seattle!
Seattle Siren

4 am

I "may" have over done it at the gym yesterday and managed to anger a tendon near my neck and shoulder, hence being awake at 4am. Why not blog?!?

 

There is nothing I love more in life than adventuring with my kids. Be it flying off to NYC and getting fully absorbed in the city, or down to simply hiking. I love exploring the wilderness, with my kids. Sharing the experience, with them. Showing them amazing places for the first time, away from cell service, just us.

Last weekend (even though I had been up the previous week) I took the kids to Minotaur and Theseus Lake. I had another hike in mind, but this was one my son had not done and my daughter last did in several feet of snow. The day was perfect.

 

Views looking onto Theseus

 

 

 

 

 

 

And around Minotaur

 

 

As you can see Kaiser went with us. I was a little worried about him because it's so steep, but he did great. Unfortunately he may have been in a little pain on the drive home and had a stinky accident in my car....

 

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Therapy

It's been a busy, chaotic, stressful week. Thank goodness for Rick, my kids and the outdoors (and the pool), without them I may have cracked!

Lo and I took my Moms cousin, from Austria (not using my German for years has not been beneficial), out for a quick hike to Lake Clara last night. The colors have just started to change and it was gorgeous.

 

Today my good friend was visiting from Boston, we had made plans to run (he's training for the DC marathon), but after the crazy week, I really felt the NEED to get to my favorite place, Lake Valhalla. My son and I had taken the longer route (from Stevens Pass ski resort instead of Smithbrook) a few weeks ago. It was such an awesome 12 mile RT trail I really wanted to get back and run it. So I mentioned it to him, he was game! I just love that about him! Gorgeous day in Wenatchee, we got to the top of the pass to find rain, but went for it. It was muddy and wet going out, but as we hit the lake the sky cleared, sun came out (it really is a magical place). We had the trail and lake entirely to ourselves, just what I needed. No cell service (Rick is the emergency contact when I am out of range), not internet or people. Thanks Mike, looking forward to it again!

A little weather (rain and sweat) at the lake

 

 

 

 

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Nature+Friends

"Friendship is unnecessary. like philosophy, like art....It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival."- C.S. Lewis

I turned to my friends and nature in the midst of my divorce several years ago.  The best decision I ever made.  That year when it got nice I made myself and the kids try a new hike every Friday.  This became "our" time of connecting and healing.  The love and passion this ignited as well as the healing for my children and myself was something I never would've predicted.  Now I am confidant in my knowledge of the woods and wilderness, animals I could potentially encounter and how to hopefully handle it, how much water my camel back holds, how to look for additional water sources, packing for higher elevation and changes in weather...watching the weather.  I go with my kids, friends or alone.
This weekend a group took our friend on a birthday hike to Minotaur Lake.  I do this one each year, and it ranks top in my book.  I hit the lottery in the friend department, as my friend Scott has said many times "he may not be rich in material things, but he is rich in friendship" I couldn't agree more.  I have a group of friends, I love and cherish so much.  They enhance all the good in my life.  Taking in this hike, reflecting at the lake at how lucky we all were, those are the blessings to count.

Here We Go

It doesn't get easier. My kids have been with me the last three weekends in a row, this weekend they go back to the usual everyother weekend rotation to their Dads. My heart hurts. I truly don't know how some moms do it, only parenting a couple days a week. I couldn't do it.  I cherish everyday after school making Lo her afternoon snack. I love a "normal" home life routine, not having to try to fit it all in right now, because next weekend they won't be with me. I don't like this. Times like this I am angry at my Ex for being a .........

Perhaps this upcoming weekend parting is in part to the 9/11 anniversary. That day is still so raw and etched into my memory. I remember snuggling my four year old son on the couch watching the events unfold on our tv with little reception. I remember sobbing when it became clear commercial airliners were used, two being my former employer United. Calling my United roommates because United had locked the computers so we couldn't check trip list to make sure they were safe. Being so, SO very grateful I had a supportive husband to let me work part time so I could be home with our son, at that moment never wanting to leave him. Wondering what kind of world I would bring my unborn child into in a few short months. Being scared for them. This was a defining moment in parenting for me. Priorities were crystal clear. I needed to be with the ones I loved as much as I could, and protect them at all times possible. My son was oblivious to the horrors on television although a bit confused as to why mom was crying so much. I remember wanting to do everything in my power to never allow either of my kids to feel the fear we all felt that day. On this day, in honor of the heroes on UAL Flight 93, and all those others that paid the ultimate sacrifice that day, I remember ...

Maybe that's why I am the way I am. I will never regret spending too much time with them, I know this. I know it will be fine this weekend, but I will miss them......

In other news and something that brings me so much joy. Rick hung my Mother's Day present. This was a quote that got me through some scary times, now looking at it daily I feel strong and proud of all I've done

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Weekend Part II

Lets just say wedding planning is overwhelming, and I am only on step one, picking a venue. We had appointments at three different places in the Methow Valley and running into friends at the pub, found a fourth to swing by. We thought we had a date semi planned but each venue was so different we had a different idea for each. Thankfully (and maybe this isn't a good thing) Rick and I are so much alike in this, neither of us really cares about a "big" show, we care about having an intimate special day and sharing it with our friends and family. You'd think since this is my second go at marriage I would be a pro. Not the case, first time was in 1998, before the interet was used much. I simply called a number in the back of a bridal magazine, talked to a lady at the Royal Lahaina Resort and picked from three options, viola, that was it. I like that. I am pretty sure this is why my friends have stepped in and offered to plan my wedding, thank goodness!! Unfortunately, friends and family we are no closer to picking a date and location than we were before, if anything we're tossing around a few more ideas. Sorry! However we did come away with the feeling that apparently others do plan ahead of time and we actually do need to secure a place, because each placed "checked" their calendars and already had events on the books, yikes!

I'm liking this long engagement, and I'm liking just pondering all the different ideas, but I promise we will get something narrowed down soon.

After our wedding venue scouting we rewarded ourselves with a gorgeous hike up the Noth Cascades Hwy called Blue Lake. This is an easy under 5 mile hike, that is gorgeous and perfect for kids. The views were stunning most of the way, the Lake offered multiple places to vedge and sit in privacy by it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Selfie at the Lake!

 

 

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Morning

It's morning and I am sitting on the deck listening to the sounds of the river, watching two young deer, in my favorite place with some of my favorite people. Contentment. There was a time when I felt the "need" for a new car, new animal, new anything, I even entertained another child, but it was all trying to fill some void I couldn't put my finger on. I still don't know what it was, but I know I no longer desire any of those things, I am happy and calm. My only desire is to be with those I love. My life is very good. I feel my soul and spirit nurtured daily.

Next year I will marry a man, that brings so much good to mine and my children's life. I am excited to love, support and encourage him daily as he has done for us the last three years. I am grateful for all the practical life skills he has shared with my son, and the joy he has brought my daughter. This weekend things got real, we've been wedding venue scouting with my daughter as well as a little R&R mixed in. I am lucky.

I snapped pictures here since they were setting up for a wedding. Will share more venue ones after today.

 

 

 

 

 

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We're Here

First week of school success. Aren't they adorable?!

All has gone well, so far. My son being a senior is a bit bittersweet. One part I am thrilled we and I say we because I have been fully vested in his schooling, with many a meetings, phone calls, emails, checking skyward weekly, and sleepless nights, and we're finally here.  It has not been easy! His freshman year his Dad left and I mistakenly assumed we would continue to be partners in raising him, when there were concerns we'd work it out together, this wasn't to be the case. Different people and priorities were now his life, this uncharted territory of High School and single parenting were mine. Two and a half months into the school year his friend drowned in the school pool and his P.E. class found him. There is nothing, that can prepare you for your son calling you crying, in shock and saying they need you to come get them, they found a body, nothing. This event would change the course of my sons high school and academics for some time.

My son is bright and artistically talented. This is where genetics are fun, his dad is pretty artistic, I am not, however I have patience to stick with projects for hours, days or weeks, and so does my son. In the art world this is a very good combination. Grades however (with the exception of art) unfortunately fell by the wayside. Now he is a senior, the grades are what they are. My wish for him now is to take his time, not rush anything because it's the expected next step, figure out what makes him happy, explore his talents, THEN go from there!

I have to say it has not been a challenge with Lo. perhaps because when her dad left I had already been through the elementary and middle school thing and it didn't seem as scary, or, more likely it's just my daughters and my personalities are much alike, we are planners and we like to be prepared.

Ok this happened tonight too, senior pictures

I will not let this make me sad. I am so grateful to be here, being in my kids life and watching them grow. This is a blessing. I have a friend that lost her best friend a few years ago, her kids were 3 and 1 at the time, my friend Ted died that same year leaving behim his 8 and 6 year old. I am glad I have the opportunity to see this and I will never take it for granted.

Ok now a glimpse as my life.

This is it folks, the magic to fitting it all in. When I do the "run of shame" from Ricks house to meet my friend for a run, before heading home the alarm is for 4:37, I am out the door by 4:47. Getting two runs in a week at this time allows me the time to fit the noon swim in (just don't expect much out of me after 5pm)! 5:36 is the work alarm. 6:14 is my non working mornings, I love the time to myself, I love making Lo her big breakfast for when she wakes (soon after), Or getting a workout in before she ever gets up. That's my life, with kids.

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