Full Heart

I crawled out of bed at 5:30 this am to the sound of the Howler monkeys (yes I am obsessed), the thought that they were awake and moving through the trees was too much temptation for me. Two hours, two cups of coffee later the condo is still asleep and I am sitting out on the large lanai enjoying the sounds of the surf, lizards and birds, the monkeys well they must've went back to bed because they are nowhere to be seen now.

This vacation, or even more so the last month has been nothing short of amazing. Three weeks ago we were in Iceland going as hard as we could to cram everything in, this last week has been sleeping 8-10 hours at night, lounging , reading books, swimming, only brushing my hair when it seems absolutely necessary, but the most important part is this time away with my kids, and this time Rick too.

Holidays are hard. I use to love them so much, but things changed when I got divorced. My kids were 8 and 13 when some of the magic of the season was lost. Not intentionally, but as a single parent financially  we had to cut out a lot of things that didn't make sense to spend money on. Baking gets pretty costly, and when you only have your kids half the time through the season it seems silly to spend so much for no one to really enjoy. We don't buy extra decorations. Each year the kids get to pick one ornament that will one day be theirs. I don't do a real tree, again because of cost and the hassle of trying to line people up to help me. Things like Christmas lights haven't been put up in years, instead we make do with a decorative wreath and enjoy our neighbors lights. The kids typically get one gift from myself and one from Santa (if they are at my house Christmas morning). Stockings are simple. Things had to change, not because we wanted it to but now we had different priorities. For me that is maximizing my time with them during the holidays. I decided that first Christmas without them those would be the years we would take a long vacation before they left to their dads. This would be the gift that year, it eliminates feeling rushed up to the holidays, running around to to make sure we fit in time with everyone. It's a bit selfish but it allows me quality time with them, by getting away. It certainly makes the week to follow a lot more bearable, for myself.

For now I will just enjoy this time away, exploring, gathering shells at the sea, watching sunsets and just simply being in their presence.

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