Just Kidding

Goodness sake I spoke too soon! The buyers of Ricks house, their buyers backed out. Rick called after a nice long hot yoga class on Saturday with "bad" news, I don't know if I was still in my "zen" mode from yoga or the fact that I had a bad feeling about the buyers buyer (we had our own issues with the same couple on Ricks house), but it didn't even phase me at this point. We are now back to a contingent offer, and really hope the people that wanted this house are able to get it. They seemed excited and were very easy to deal with, sometimes you just a have a good feeling and hope it works out for them.

Rick took it harder this time, so Sunday we did the one thing we know how to do best to alleviate stress....get outside!

We got our Nordic on at a place neither of us had skied before, less than an hour away and for a $10 day pass was one of the most beautiful Nordic trails I have ever seen. Massive snow, trees and views of Lake Chelan at every turn!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted with Blogsy

Oh Dear

We finally sold Ricks house and onto the new one in a month. This is our chance to start fresh.

I went to my old house recently to pick up mail. The new owners had it decorated exactly how I would've loved it. It was an eclectic mix of their life, that fit the 1920's style of the home. As much as I loved my house I had gotten into a rut with the decore as well as laziness to change anything.

The new house is perfect in every way, but I want it to represent us. I don't want a theme or certain style, with everything fitting. I want it colorful, without being obnoxious, cozy and lived in. I don't do non purpose knick knacks, I want "things" to represent who we are and where we've been.

So with the help of my daughter, months ago I started a Pinterest board.

Clearly I may need help, this is as far as I've gotten......

 

Posted with Blogsy

Appreciation

I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately. My heart is so full and happy, I can't help but feel gratitude for what I've been through, and to see the value in all of it.

Looking back five years ago, I wanted nothing more than my husband to stay. Raise our kids and grow old together. I knew in my gut and my rational mind he was having an affair, but had he said "sorry it's done" I would've let him stay, without a doubt. This wasn't the first, and it likely wouldn't have been the last. We would've grown closer, for a few years, then he would've entered a dark unreachable hole. There would've been more lies, more broken trust, more heartache. I never would've known what it was like to love so fully, to be in a relationship where somebody takes the time to listen and understand me. With a person that makes me want to be a better person everyday. I never would've had the relationship I have now with my ex. We understand each other the better than we ever have. I appreciate the efforts he's made in the last year, as a parent and friend. It's refreshing to talk with him, instead of fight. For that I am grateful.
I was friends with a woman that was sleeping with my husband. I thank God that I no longer have someone like that in my life. There is not a single scenario I could imagine that I would EVER do that to a friend. My friends are solid, good, loving and trustworthy. They've freely given their support to me when in need, with out question or fail. As we age there will be sickness and death. They are the people I want by my side through it all. Not someone the minute there's a weakness inserts herself into your life to take for her own. I want genuine, and because of all the crap I went through I was able to see who my true friends were. My heart is full of nothing but love for those in my life.
Parenting solo, and being responsible for a house was stressful at times. Financially I was able to meet every months needs, but couldn't see beyond that. That's a pretty scary place to be in your late thirties and self employed. The house was full of surprises, and my kids at the time were 13 and 8. We went through a death of my sons friend, coming ridiculously close to failing classes, having to step up and help me with all the chores of the house, fall maintenance, winterization, getting the Christmas tree up, waking up at 6 to help shovel the long driveway, learning to drive, graduation. As stressful as times were, we were together. Step by step figuring it all out. Unbelievably we did manage to figure it out, we even renovated a bathroom, we started traveling together, having our own wacky rituals. I wouldn't change any of it for the world. I loved our five years together, they are my world, and because of all we went through our bond was only strengthened.
Now living with Rick, life has gotten easier. I have a partner again. Financially our future looks promising, together. My daughter gets to enjoy breakfast and a ride to school with him. Our animals even get more attention. I've started going to yoga. Something I have wanted to do but couldn't justify the time away in the evening from Lo or the added expense. Now I am going regularly, loving everything it does for my mind and body and feeling balanced in all areas of my life. I appreciate the ease and certainly do not take it for granted, simply amazed that it's my life. It may seem boring, but I love going grocery shopping for the family, making dinner together and getting cozy on the couch to watch a movie. Love, it's all we need.
Cheers

Posted with Blogsy

Air

I got home from Iceland a week ago, and have to admit sleep has been an issue. I sleep anywhere and on most schedules pretty easily so up until this point in my life I have avoided jet lag. Well it got me this time, not horrible but I am in bed at 8pm and wide awake at 3:30. It's sorting itself out thankfully!
I am happy to report my 9 year old German Shepard that almost died last year and had been suffering terribly with arthritis is having a season filled with hiking and back up to as far as 6 mile trail runs. Last week he went out 5 days in a row. He has been by my side on all my outdoor adventures, keeping me company and easing my fears of potential predators, for years. Last year I had to accept that, that time may be over, so to be given this gift of another season with him and to see him so happy, I'll appreciate as much as I get! A large credit goes to my friend that is studying functional medicine, he's now on human supplements but it's working!

Posted with Blogsy

A High

I am coming off (or more accurately still on), a travel high. That vacation was nothing less than absolutely perfect. I have exactly the same feeling I did back in October when Lo and I went to NYC. There is not a single bit of regret in me for going. There are no words to adequately explain what a wonderful time I had with my son, in a country we've both fallen in love with.

There are opportunities that arise if you open your eyes to them during hard times. Those hard times for me were my husbands affair, subsequent divorce and the financial strain of single parenting. If I really look back now and think what was it that made me hurt the most, why was I so angry, it's simple. It was not being valued enough to be told the truth. What I was given though was a stronger bond with my children. It was the three of us figuring out life, our house, our world that existed as just us. My son now 18 and doing his own thing, I've missed him. Having 6 uninterrupted days with just him was an amazing gift. This trip was truly one of the best, and I've had a lot of great trips. To be with him, but also to give him the gift of broadening his perspective through travel, is priceless (although I am glad it was a cheap deal).

On the home front, life is pretty sweet here. We've signed on the new house and now just waiting for all inspections and what not to go through. What a relief!

I saw this on Pintrest and it sounded right on...

 

 

 

 

Posted with Blogsy

Thankful and Grateful

While my personal preference is to be with both of my children at the same time, these one on one vacations with each has been truly amazing. Last month Lo and I traveled to NYC for a long weekend of girl time, and Broadway. My son was bummed to miss however he's 18 and in college now, so somehow a note from his mom explaining the benefits of travel just isn't going to cut it. He had to stay and go to school. Lo was given the option to come to Iceland with us, she did know mine and Luke's desire to do a glacier hike so she opted out, instantly. Of course I want her to love these outdoor adventures as much as I do. Granted, she is certainly the loudest whiner on most of our hikes, but ALWAYS a mile or two in it subsides and she out climbs me. She's good, and I trust in the fact that I have given her a strong foundation in the outdoors that she WILL return to. For now she is 13 and all things are hair, big cities and dance. I need to respect that, and love and appreciate the beauty she is her own very perfect soul!
Instantly when we arrived I remembered why I felt the need and desire to return here. Such a unique and peaceful place. The natural beauty is endless, the appreciation for the environment is strong. The health and vibrancy of the people is to be admired. I love Iceland, and know I will continue to return to this country.
A few snippets of our time here.

Sejalandsfoss

Skogafoss

Solheimajokull Glacier

On the Glacier

Reykjavik

It was 7 degrees today. Couple essentials that have made this trip perfect for the weather. NECK GAITER, this thing is a life saver, as well as multiple layers of long underwear, glove linere and good beanies!

Posted with Blogsy

Icelandic Adventure Day 1

Onto day two of our Icelandic adventure. Heading to a glacier hike but I wanted to blog a couple quick travel in/to Iceland tips worth sharing. First this is our second time here in so many years, because we clearly loved it the first time. Traveling to Iceland is cheap....during the months of November to March, because there's only 6 hours of daylight. Don't let this discourage you, the tour companies have everything down to maximize your time here! I booked both trips in June, this seems to be when the deals are at their best through Iceland Air. This time I added one extra day and moved to a hotel closer to downtown, that also included breakfast (that's another blog post in itself, amazing). Our package included a northern lights boat tour and Blue Lagoon to just under $800 pp for air/room/packages.
I am an airline snob. When given the chance I fly my preferred carriers, Hawaiian, Virgin American and Jet Blue, I will say Iceland Air is right up there or even surpassing those. Service is always friendly, planes (757) are clean and nice. This time I did the online auction and bid on an upgrade to economy comfort. DO THIS! Beyond exceeded the the legroom expectations. It's equivalent to first class on and Alaska Airlines 737. Two seats to a row, complimentary food and beverages, awesome!
Happy Travels, we are onto the Glacier hike!

Couldn't help it, we passed the Phallological Museum and had to stop, out of curiosity!

Posted with Blogsy

Vocal

In the last year I have  been vocal on here about life during, and after an affair.  If you're wondering why now, it's for several reasons.  It was about this time last year I was finally told the full extent of my Ex's affair, from him.  It came with of course surprises to process (like the length of their affair).  What it didn't do was cause anymore pain.  For my friends and I it validated what we already knew.  I was able to listen and ask questions, and he answered.   I didn't ask questions that were graphic, I didn't need that.  It was a final closing the door.
This is where the writing about it comes in.  The emotions I felt during and in the years following their affair, were now removed.  I felt like I had finally come full circle, the sadness, hurt, betrayal, to hope, happiness and love.
I hope most of you reading this will never have to go through this, however for those out there that have I know first hand how hearing someones story when you are the midst of the chaos that comes with an affair, divorce, single parenting can help.  I was lucky enough to have friends validate my own crazy emotions, and walk right beside me through this whole process.  One of the most helpful things was their honesty.  There was no sugar coating the facts, but knowing they had felt the same range of emotions, and come out  stronger, successful, happy and in wonderful relationships allowed me to believe that one day at a time I would get there.
These last 5 years for me have likely been the biggest journey in my own personal growth I have ever allowed myself to take.  During the affair,  I didn't trust myself, my gut feeling,  intuition.  I felt weak and to scared asked, when I would ask, I was lied to and told I was crazy.   When he finally left, I was left feeling deflated,  weak, a scared shell of the person I used to be.  Essentially stripped to the fundamentals of life and left to rebuild.
This was the crucial, and I believe a key part for ANYONE going through this rebuilding.  Determining what in this life gave me the greatest meaning/purpose, what were my values? From there developing the confidence to live a life true to myself, my family, friends and core values.  To do it right this time.
This was a SLOW process, met with many setbacks.  One week I would feel strong and confident.  The next week I would call him with questions wanting answers. The fact is, when someone doesn't want to answer you, they don't have too.  This would heighten the anxiety I was feeling.  Then we'd have good weeks, which would eventually lead to being physical, confusing everything all over again.  That was for almost a year.  Then I started dating, at first there were no real connections with anyone, but it was fun.  Something I had been missing.  Slowly my confidence grew, and slowly I was able to pull away from my Ex.  SLOWLY.  Then I met Rick, he has been my calm since day one.  I didn't know it then, but this was my new love, and eventually my future.

I often repeated in my saddest times Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"
I repeated this enough to believe it.  I relied heavily on friends and family.  I made peace with never knowing the truth.  After all that, four years later.  I got the truth, at the right time.  Timing is everything when you are going through life's curve balls, you can't rush it and make things what they aren't, but eventually (and there is no set timeline) it does work out.

That being said, do I think couples can survive an affair?  Absolutely.  Sometimes people mess up and make stupid mistakes.  The ones that survive are the ones that take ownership for those mistakes, recognize and communicate how they got there.   With both parties engaged and committed, I have known people to survive an affair and are so grateful they stuck by each other.  To error is human.  Repeat offenders, well I don't hold out as much hope for them.  Trust is key in any relationship, you break it once you can rebuild over time, you break it again and again well that's another story.

That's my story.  The first half  of my life.  I can now look back, be grateful for the 14 years together, two children and awesome memories.  The second half I get to apply all I've learned from the first half.  Onto a new adventure, different, but nonetheless grand! 

A Year

It been just over a year since my friend Kay died. I think about her every morning I walk into the hospital and miss her with every thought. I often think about what our conversations would be, and miss sharing Lo's adventures and happenings with her.

But we've had the honor of caring for her dog. It's funny but I feel her with us, through him. What a gift she left us.

 

 

Posted with Blogsy

Alive

In my book there's no better place to be in the fall than right where I'm at. This fall in particular, is exceptional. I can count on one hand how many times I've run the road this fall, because the trails have been amazing. Sage Hills is right in my back yard, four miles up No2 Canyon is my favorite trail Stairway to Heaven (thank you Rick for showing me this gem), Devils Spur is another favorite up by Mission Ridge, plus the hiking is still amazing.
Friday I dropped Lo off at school, took advantage of the weather and went up to Colchuck. I looked at NOAA the night before, temps in the high 30's chance of snow at 4900 feet was minimal, no rain and wind until later in the day. From my house to the trailhead less than 1 hour. 10 mile hike round trip and back to Wenatchee to pick Lo up from school. I went with a few friends, yet another thing that makes this place so great, so many people that can and will share these adventures! To have so much beauty so accessible is exactly what keeps me here.

Posted with Blogsy

Late Nights

I came across this tonight while on Pinterest. It spoke to me as though it had been written for me. I love it, live it and completely agree with it. So for those of you tonight that are in a period of sadness because of whatever surprises life threw at you, know this was true for my life so far. My life is far more solid, as well as my beliefs and priorities, all because of the sorrows and suffering ...

Posted with Blogsy

::38::

I just had a birthday. Always a time of reflection for me, as well as gratitude. I ask myself if this where I want to be personally, and professionally. Do I go to work happy, do I spend quality time with my family, do I give my kids enough of my undivided attention after school, am I showing Rick how much he means to me, am I balancing things ok, am I being a good friend, am I communicating well enough to those around me my needs, and listening well enough to their needs.
I'm also grateful for another year. I lost another classmate two months ago. He'll never raise his two little boys, be there for his niece and nephew, or grow old and share in these experiences with his wife. I am so grateful to be here. I celebrate being 38, and I'll continue to celebrate every single year I am given.
Truth is I am happy and content. Professionally I have owned and operated my business for almost 13 years. Early on, I worried I'd be one of those people changing jobs every couple years. Not that one day I won't change, but giving to a job for that many years because I have loved it and committed to it.  I am proud of it. When I felt like changing around all the time, it wasn't just the job, it was seeking some type of fulfillment I wasn't getting. Professionally I feel I am in the right place, right now.
Personally, life feels pretty damn good. I feel loved by my friends, family, and Rick. I feel secure because of this. I feel wiser from all that I have gone through. My thirties have had some rough times, but through it all I have known exactly who I am. In my twenties I felt I lost a piece of myself, but it came back, it's what gave me strength through affairs, divorce, deaths, and having to share MY time with MY kids, all in my thirties. My relationship with my ex is good. We have a better understanding of each other than we've had in years. My kids truly become even more amazing people daily. I am traveling and filling my soul with all I seek to see and learn.
Thank you to all who made my birthday week so special. I love you.

This was literally an hour after we got home from NYC. My parents, Rick,Sister, Ian and my 86 year old Oma were all there too!

These are the BEST friends a girl could ask for. With a couple missing of course.

Posted with Blogsy