My Bed

I love it. My favorite place to be at night and the place I least want to leave in the morning. Here's the thing, I've never had my bed to myself. This isn't bad, however I just really enjoy it on my own now. It's piled with a ton of heavy blankets, really good thread count sheets, six pillows. I alternate sides or sleep in the middle. I just love it.

I know when I say this, most will not agree with my choices, but I've never regretted a moment of this. When my son was born, we had the cradle and crib, he never slept in either, not once. I couldn't pathom to let my most precious being in the entire world out of my arms at night. We did the family bed. It worked great, he slept good, when he nursed in the night, we all dozed right back off. He stay there until I was very pregnant with his sister and we moved him and our beloved Great Dane to the room next door. We did the same when our daughter was born. I never questioned it or desired her to be in her own room. There was never a thought to do the "cry out", it just wasn't for us. My method of parenting was relaxed and unscheduled. My children's every need was met when they needed it. I wanted them to know two things, they were loved and could always count on me. People frowned on our choices and we heard over and over that down the road we would be sorry. Well my children are almost 18 and 13 and I feel confident I did the right thing for them.

 

Our daughter was moved to her own room around the age of four (same as her brother) without any issues, when my ex husband left in 2010, that very night she moved herself back into my room, alarm clock, eye shades and all. This year I finally had to kick her out, the girl is lanky and slightly violent in her sleep, now the bed is my own. There are great memories I wouldn't trade for the world of sharing my bed, but I sure like my little own sanctuary now.

 

 

 

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Basset Runs Again

Obie can thank Lo for getting to do the Bundle Up and Run 5k, again. I was reluctant, we walk the half mile down to the start, run the 3.1 and walk back. Granted this fall he managed the homestead 5 mile trail run, and still cruises the main part of SaddleRock, but after he's been stiff and sore. At the age of 12/13 I just didn't know if he had one last race in him. He did, a little slower for sure this year (I think 38 minutes). His biggest downfall was he went out too hard (happens to the best of us),and had to do a run walk back.

Before.

During

After

 

 

Because it was Lo's idea to take him, I made her run the entire way with him. She was awesome too but even more important we all had such a fun time.

Today can pretty much be summed up as Obie, the inspiration!

 

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Tidbits.

Sometimes I see things that feel like they were written for me.

 

I've had a few of the "what the hell" moments......

 

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The Plus Side

If you read my last blog post, I attached an article that outlined several lies divorced parents say. I've had heard them all. They were also told to me out of comfort in the months following my divorce. I do believe kids benefit from living with both parents under the same household. As a parent I didn't sign up to miss out on Christmas morning, or "not" have my child on their birthday. Some people truly don't care about that, it breaks my heart everytime. It always will, but we've adjusted, modified, as well as lost a bit of the excitement these holidays use to bring.

Ok, enough about that side. Sometimes divorce happens, actually 50% of the time. So for those of us that do find ourselves single parenting, there truly is a plus side too. On the top of my list is getting to parent the way I want to. I raise my children the exact way I want with very little influence from the other parent. Everyday my focus is on my kids, only one day everyother week I don't see them, meaning nearly each day is ours. I am IT for getting my children to and from everything (at least I was until my son got his license), that's a lot of together time that would typically be split between parents. We no longer have to walk on eggshells in our own house to not agitate someone else if we are too messy that day, or leave our shoes out by the door (maybe several pairs) instead of taking them to our room. We make dinner when we want and if it's been too busy we grab something to go, settle in downstairs and pick a movie (lots of girly ones)! We don't have to ask permission to travel. My children and I have seen more of the US and the world than we ever did with my ex husband, because now we just do it.

Aside from the parenting, I have an independence I didn't even know I desired. I am more confident. Having a lot less time and flexibility in my day I'm more sure now of the ways and with who I want to spend my free time. I don't waste my time doing things I don't want to anymore. My priorities are much more solid. I take the time to really take in each day and appreciate it. I make goals for my future. I've been able to fall in love with someone that reciprocates it in actions not just words. I became a solo home owner, buying my ex out last year, something I am immensely proud of.

Life is an ebb and flow, a give and take. There's the negative, but there is always the positive.

The appreciation to live this life with these two is at the top of it.

 

 

 

 

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Food For Thought

Ok before you read this article, understand I do realize I am a divorced Mom.  I do think my kids are fairly well adjusted, and quite honestly I am personally better off now.  That being said I agree whole heartedly with this article.  Here in Wenatchee it almost feels epidemic the rate of divorce.  I can't quote exact statistics, but if I were to name ten people I know that are divorced, 9 out 10 ended because of extra marital affairs, or even emotional affairs. 

It's been four years since my Ex husband left.  He is no exception to the 9 out of 10. From my kids and my own experience in this, he really has missed a good chunk of their childhood. I could go onto list the countless programs, events, birthdays and holidays he's missed, but just trust me when I say he's missed out. * I will note (also to his benefit) after four years he really is trying now to connect and be involved.

Divorce is hard and sometimes inevitable.  I just wish more people would put an effort into trying to fix and heal what is wrong, in the end if divorce is the answer well then at least you go into the next phase knowing you gave it your all, with the realization of what worked and didn't. Just don't use these seven excuses to justify why your marriage didn't work and why you should get divorced.

7 lies of divorcing parents

Joey.

Meet Joey, the newest Hakensen family member. An almost 3 year old Italian Greyhound.

He's been with us a week and we are very much in love with him. I was nervous about adding a THIRD dog, but he's easy. Small, clean, quite, gets along great with Kaiser, Obie and Ann and doesn't shed.

How did we get him? Well, he was loved by his previous owner, my friend Kay. She passed away in November, but before she died she told her husband if he couldn't care for Joey to ask Logan. Logan and Kay had a special bond, and when her husband called I was truly touched, nervous yes, but something lead me to believe that this is what we needed to do. Kay was a planner and organizer, and she wanted Joey to be loved and taken care of, the exact thing I would want for my animals.

I love having him here, and the reminder of where he came from.

 

 

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Wedding.

I'm starting to understand how Jennifer Anniston must feel with the "baby pressure", ok not in as big of a way, but at least once a day I get asked if we've set a date. No. We are no closer either. As I've said before any money I had saved I spent this fall on my dog, sons car and a lawyer bill, all money well spent and very glad I had it on hand. That being said, I'll give you a run down on the basics of the wedding industry. It's big business I tell you. For the record it makes me want to elope, however that won't happen. Photography seems to be a minimum of $2,000, catering cost a min of $2,000. Ok we're at $4,000 (or roughly three vacations) and we haven't touched on alcohol (a must), venue (thankfully we have a friend with a beautiful barn that has offered her place and the rental of chairs and table for a reasonable price), damn there's the wedding dress (I firmly believe I can do on the cheap), Luke and Lo's clothes, minimal decorations and a few flowers, oh crap the wedding cake and invitations too......see where I am going. Doing it on the cheap adds up to around $7500 (five vacations). I have an envelope started but it's nowhere near there.

The other BIG issue, I'd like to live with my husband when we get married. My fiancé's house is a bit of a mess right now, like we don't fit. He's been in a big house solo for years, and two rooms look like a bike shop, there's some organizing to be done (a lot). We were also going to do some remodeling projects, kind of make it feel like a home for Lo and I, but those are behind. Add to that, I love my house, I love where I live and the major deal, it's walking distance to my daughters school. This is huge, I work early in the am before she goes to school, and being uncertain of where Luke will be next year I need to be able to know she can get to and from school. My fiancé rides in the am during the spring, and I've been trying to add more hours at work since the kids are older and anticipated expenses next year.....so she's left to walk. Next year will be her last at this particular school, then the following year it won't matter as much because I can bring her with me to work and she will be able to walk across the street to the hospital.......everytime I'm asked if we got married or set a date I explain all of this. I get it people, I would ask too, but some days I want to just say No and leave it at that!

 

When we do set a date I am sure everyone will know, you may even get bored with all the details because I am sure I will get excited to plan it then!

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