Thankful and Grateful

While my personal preference is to be with both of my children at the same time, these one on one vacations with each has been truly amazing. Last month Lo and I traveled to NYC for a long weekend of girl time, and Broadway. My son was bummed to miss however he's 18 and in college now, so somehow a note from his mom explaining the benefits of travel just isn't going to cut it. He had to stay and go to school. Lo was given the option to come to Iceland with us, she did know mine and Luke's desire to do a glacier hike so she opted out, instantly. Of course I want her to love these outdoor adventures as much as I do. Granted, she is certainly the loudest whiner on most of our hikes, but ALWAYS a mile or two in it subsides and she out climbs me. She's good, and I trust in the fact that I have given her a strong foundation in the outdoors that she WILL return to. For now she is 13 and all things are hair, big cities and dance. I need to respect that, and love and appreciate the beauty she is her own very perfect soul!
Instantly when we arrived I remembered why I felt the need and desire to return here. Such a unique and peaceful place. The natural beauty is endless, the appreciation for the environment is strong. The health and vibrancy of the people is to be admired. I love Iceland, and know I will continue to return to this country.
A few snippets of our time here.

Sejalandsfoss

Skogafoss

Solheimajokull Glacier

On the Glacier

Reykjavik

It was 7 degrees today. Couple essentials that have made this trip perfect for the weather. NECK GAITER, this thing is a life saver, as well as multiple layers of long underwear, glove linere and good beanies!

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Icelandic Adventure Day 1

Onto day two of our Icelandic adventure. Heading to a glacier hike but I wanted to blog a couple quick travel in/to Iceland tips worth sharing. First this is our second time here in so many years, because we clearly loved it the first time. Traveling to Iceland is cheap....during the months of November to March, because there's only 6 hours of daylight. Don't let this discourage you, the tour companies have everything down to maximize your time here! I booked both trips in June, this seems to be when the deals are at their best through Iceland Air. This time I added one extra day and moved to a hotel closer to downtown, that also included breakfast (that's another blog post in itself, amazing). Our package included a northern lights boat tour and Blue Lagoon to just under $800 pp for air/room/packages.
I am an airline snob. When given the chance I fly my preferred carriers, Hawaiian, Virgin American and Jet Blue, I will say Iceland Air is right up there or even surpassing those. Service is always friendly, planes (757) are clean and nice. This time I did the online auction and bid on an upgrade to economy comfort. DO THIS! Beyond exceeded the the legroom expectations. It's equivalent to first class on and Alaska Airlines 737. Two seats to a row, complimentary food and beverages, awesome!
Happy Travels, we are onto the Glacier hike!

Couldn't help it, we passed the Phallological Museum and had to stop, out of curiosity!

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Vocal

In the last year I have  been vocal on here about life during, and after an affair.  If you're wondering why now, it's for several reasons.  It was about this time last year I was finally told the full extent of my Ex's affair, from him.  It came with of course surprises to process (like the length of their affair).  What it didn't do was cause anymore pain.  For my friends and I it validated what we already knew.  I was able to listen and ask questions, and he answered.   I didn't ask questions that were graphic, I didn't need that.  It was a final closing the door.
This is where the writing about it comes in.  The emotions I felt during and in the years following their affair, were now removed.  I felt like I had finally come full circle, the sadness, hurt, betrayal, to hope, happiness and love.
I hope most of you reading this will never have to go through this, however for those out there that have I know first hand how hearing someones story when you are the midst of the chaos that comes with an affair, divorce, single parenting can help.  I was lucky enough to have friends validate my own crazy emotions, and walk right beside me through this whole process.  One of the most helpful things was their honesty.  There was no sugar coating the facts, but knowing they had felt the same range of emotions, and come out  stronger, successful, happy and in wonderful relationships allowed me to believe that one day at a time I would get there.
These last 5 years for me have likely been the biggest journey in my own personal growth I have ever allowed myself to take.  During the affair,  I didn't trust myself, my gut feeling,  intuition.  I felt weak and to scared asked, when I would ask, I was lied to and told I was crazy.   When he finally left, I was left feeling deflated,  weak, a scared shell of the person I used to be.  Essentially stripped to the fundamentals of life and left to rebuild.
This was the crucial, and I believe a key part for ANYONE going through this rebuilding.  Determining what in this life gave me the greatest meaning/purpose, what were my values? From there developing the confidence to live a life true to myself, my family, friends and core values.  To do it right this time.
This was a SLOW process, met with many setbacks.  One week I would feel strong and confident.  The next week I would call him with questions wanting answers. The fact is, when someone doesn't want to answer you, they don't have too.  This would heighten the anxiety I was feeling.  Then we'd have good weeks, which would eventually lead to being physical, confusing everything all over again.  That was for almost a year.  Then I started dating, at first there were no real connections with anyone, but it was fun.  Something I had been missing.  Slowly my confidence grew, and slowly I was able to pull away from my Ex.  SLOWLY.  Then I met Rick, he has been my calm since day one.  I didn't know it then, but this was my new love, and eventually my future.

I often repeated in my saddest times Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"
I repeated this enough to believe it.  I relied heavily on friends and family.  I made peace with never knowing the truth.  After all that, four years later.  I got the truth, at the right time.  Timing is everything when you are going through life's curve balls, you can't rush it and make things what they aren't, but eventually (and there is no set timeline) it does work out.

That being said, do I think couples can survive an affair?  Absolutely.  Sometimes people mess up and make stupid mistakes.  The ones that survive are the ones that take ownership for those mistakes, recognize and communicate how they got there.   With both parties engaged and committed, I have known people to survive an affair and are so grateful they stuck by each other.  To error is human.  Repeat offenders, well I don't hold out as much hope for them.  Trust is key in any relationship, you break it once you can rebuild over time, you break it again and again well that's another story.

That's my story.  The first half  of my life.  I can now look back, be grateful for the 14 years together, two children and awesome memories.  The second half I get to apply all I've learned from the first half.  Onto a new adventure, different, but nonetheless grand! 

A Year

It been just over a year since my friend Kay died. I think about her every morning I walk into the hospital and miss her with every thought. I often think about what our conversations would be, and miss sharing Lo's adventures and happenings with her.

But we've had the honor of caring for her dog. It's funny but I feel her with us, through him. What a gift she left us.

 

 

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Alive

In my book there's no better place to be in the fall than right where I'm at. This fall in particular, is exceptional. I can count on one hand how many times I've run the road this fall, because the trails have been amazing. Sage Hills is right in my back yard, four miles up No2 Canyon is my favorite trail Stairway to Heaven (thank you Rick for showing me this gem), Devils Spur is another favorite up by Mission Ridge, plus the hiking is still amazing.
Friday I dropped Lo off at school, took advantage of the weather and went up to Colchuck. I looked at NOAA the night before, temps in the high 30's chance of snow at 4900 feet was minimal, no rain and wind until later in the day. From my house to the trailhead less than 1 hour. 10 mile hike round trip and back to Wenatchee to pick Lo up from school. I went with a few friends, yet another thing that makes this place so great, so many people that can and will share these adventures! To have so much beauty so accessible is exactly what keeps me here.

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Late Nights

I came across this tonight while on Pinterest. It spoke to me as though it had been written for me. I love it, live it and completely agree with it. So for those of you tonight that are in a period of sadness because of whatever surprises life threw at you, know this was true for my life so far. My life is far more solid, as well as my beliefs and priorities, all because of the sorrows and suffering ...

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::38::

I just had a birthday. Always a time of reflection for me, as well as gratitude. I ask myself if this where I want to be personally, and professionally. Do I go to work happy, do I spend quality time with my family, do I give my kids enough of my undivided attention after school, am I showing Rick how much he means to me, am I balancing things ok, am I being a good friend, am I communicating well enough to those around me my needs, and listening well enough to their needs.
I'm also grateful for another year. I lost another classmate two months ago. He'll never raise his two little boys, be there for his niece and nephew, or grow old and share in these experiences with his wife. I am so grateful to be here. I celebrate being 38, and I'll continue to celebrate every single year I am given.
Truth is I am happy and content. Professionally I have owned and operated my business for almost 13 years. Early on, I worried I'd be one of those people changing jobs every couple years. Not that one day I won't change, but giving to a job for that many years because I have loved it and committed to it.  I am proud of it. When I felt like changing around all the time, it wasn't just the job, it was seeking some type of fulfillment I wasn't getting. Professionally I feel I am in the right place, right now.
Personally, life feels pretty damn good. I feel loved by my friends, family, and Rick. I feel secure because of this. I feel wiser from all that I have gone through. My thirties have had some rough times, but through it all I have known exactly who I am. In my twenties I felt I lost a piece of myself, but it came back, it's what gave me strength through affairs, divorce, deaths, and having to share MY time with MY kids, all in my thirties. My relationship with my ex is good. We have a better understanding of each other than we've had in years. My kids truly become even more amazing people daily. I am traveling and filling my soul with all I seek to see and learn.
Thank you to all who made my birthday week so special. I love you.

This was literally an hour after we got home from NYC. My parents, Rick,Sister, Ian and my 86 year old Oma were all there too!

These are the BEST friends a girl could ask for. With a couple missing of course.

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