Holidays

Oh how I use to love them. There truly is something magical experiencing the holidays through your children's eyes. The decorating, the baking, the music, and holiday outfits, watching your kids excitement with your family. It's wonderful, no doubt.
Unfortunately a bit of that magic died when I got divorced. There's more of a sadness than excitement at times. The reality of divorce, in my case is from the time my children were 13 and 8 the holidays are now divided into even and odd years. One parent "gets" them for Thanksgiving even years the other for Christmas. It's horrible. The last couple years it's been easier for me to leave the country and have alone quality time with them than deal with the panic and anxiety the holidays bring. Let me be clear no one but myself causes the anxiety.  This year I had Thanksgiving, which I should be embracing fully because I won't be waking up Christmas morning with them and that is crushing. However I can't, instead all I could think is I have one more guaranteed Thanksgiving with my girl, two years from now. My parents, and sister haven't had a Thanksgiving with their grandkids/ nephews/nieces since 2010, because I also have a lovely new family I'd desperately like for my children to know. So not only are my holidays limited because of divorce but my family gets "jipped" as well, and that adds to my anxiety.
This is the reality of divorce folks. While my Ex's and my relationship has improved the last few years, I can't help but curse him out during these months. At times I actually hate him for breaking up our family and leaving us (he and I) without our children everyother holiday.   I love my life and do believe all the bad was just lessons to prepare me for really good!  There are just struggles I face with not being able to always be with my kids.
I know not everyone struggles this much, and some cope much better. I've truly tried to feel the excitement again, but even decorating the house for Christmas with my daughter is a reminder that she won't be waking up this year Christmas morning with her mom. We won't be doing our matching Pj's, bed hair and hot chocolate, sitting under blankets as we open stockings. It breaks my heart, not only for myself but for my children. This is their reality too. My daughter especially worries about the other parent when she's not with them.
I know as they get older this is how it goes, they will eventually have a significant other to share in their holidays to, but it's not how it's supposed to go when they are in your care, as you raise them. I am the custodial parent, I do the day in day out and see my child everyday other than everyother Saturday, but I'm telling you it doesn't lesson the sadness the holidays bring.
Sure we could "share" the day, but is that fair for the child either? To interrupt their day to vedge and enjoy and instead run to different households trying to fit it all in. My ex and I decided against that, and I do believe that is in the best interest of our children.
What we do is create a new normal, and with my small little family we are building new traditions. The love is always present, and I am acutely aware of how fast time goes, especially when you are counting by everyother year.
I guess my advice to those in relationships with children, that find themselves in moments of personal unhappiness, before you decide to look for the greener grass (that often is not there), think of the big picture, not just the now. Not all relationships can be saved, but perhaps if we paused more as a society rather than have that need for instant gratification some relationships would continue to grow. I know many couples that have worked past issues, and for that they are stronger.
I am lucky to have a partner in my life now that values family. Probably my biggest attraction to him was his love and commitment to his family and his willingness to commit and love mine. So with that, we carry on. We love and create new traditions, but he lets me mourn what was lost.
Those that have your families intact, don't take it for granted, enjoy each little moment!
Cheers

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