Conflicted

It's funny how photos can evoke a particular feeling or emotion.  I was looking through photos on the computer tonight (still working on my business milestone post,) when I came across a trip to Maui Lo and I took October 2010.  I was instantly reminded of the pain and confusion  I felt then, however  was compelled to look through them, they are beautiful photos, in a beautiful place with my favorite traveling companion, but at a very difficult time.  I wanted to feel and remember the hurt and betrayal (to which I would only learn the full extent later).  Perhaps it serves as a reminder how far I have come,  and that even though I thought things were good, life wasn't as it seemed. 

I still have nights I'm sad, I mourn the loss of my kids growing up in a two parent household.  I don't miss the  chaos and lack of control over my own life that I felt.  Life's complicated sometimes, but when I see this picture and remember the stress and hurt I was feeling I also see that smiling innocent 8 year old face, and everything makes complete sense.  My priorities are clear, and they live with me.  I can spell out all the benefits of a two parent household, and there are a ton, but these kiddos have me, and while they have me, my purpose in life  is to raise, care and advocate for them.

Procrastination

Had every intention of waking up this morning and getting my workout for the day in, but it was our last morning in the Methow. Opted for lying in bed an extra hour, slowly waking up and drinking coffee by the river.

Unfortunately by the time we got back to Wenatchee it was raining, and I had 2 hours before the kids came home, so Kaiser and I set off for 7 miles of speed work, in the rain. He didn't seem to mind, and I have to say I had fun too, plus it woke me up from the car ride!

 

This is what today's workout looked like! You might not be able to see it but I am soaked.

But yesterday we managed to explore a lot of the Methow we had never seen, by riding from Winthrop to Twisp all on the back roads, aside from the numerous snakes I saw in one spot it was fabulous!

Oh and this is what I was doing instead of running this morning, drinking coffee and watching a pair of eagles, I made the right choice!

Thanks to my love for a wonderful four days away! Refreshed and rejuvenated

 

 

Posted with Blogsy

Workouts 5/20-26

Recovery week success!
Monday 20th- swim 1400, run 5 miles
Tuesday 21st- bike Du course 26 miles
Wednesday 22nd- swim 1400 run 4.5 miles
Thursday 23rd- off
Friday 24th- bike monitor loop, swim 1400
Saturday 25th- race 6.9 mile trail run, just under 56 minutes
Sunday 26th- bike 40 miles

Fresh Air

It's early morning in the Methow and I'm on the deck drinking my coffee, listening to the river, breathing the fresh air and watching the deer while everyone sleeps. I've said it over and over, this place relaxes me. Leading up to the holiday weekend I get all kinds of anxious knowing the kids will be gone until Monday, but sitting here this morning helps put things in perspective, life is good, I miss them and wish they were here, but it is really nice to be here nonetheless.

Jenn, Jason and I did the Mazama 10k trail run (note and this does drive me crazy, it is actually 6.9 miles.....call it 7 miles will you!) had our pancake breakfast, then the guyroadie and we wine tasted. I feel blessed to be with a man that loves it up here as much as I and even more blessed with wonderful friends that feel the same!

Can't wait to find that perfect piece of property so we can start sharing this love with our families!

Posted with Blogsy

Motherhood and Training

I am currently on week 8 of a Half Iron training plan (for those that don't know the half iron consists of  it's a 1.25 mile swim, 56 mile bike, and a 13.1 mile run).  This week is a rest week, so I am optimistic about it all.  Last week I thought I had been hit by a train!
I've been toying with this idea to do one for a bit, but getting divorced changed a lot of things.  Suddenly I was parenting alone, and running a business on my own.  All of which I am ok with.  Training is not my life, just an extra bonus if it works out. 
Why a half iron?  Well I had done quite a few duathlons, and had success, I'd done STP on the bike twice, and a marathon so I knew I could handle endurance, figured why not.  I loved the idea of the challenge and my strength is in endurance events.  The challenge will be combining them all.

Before ever signing up I had to make sure my life as a Mother and business owner was organized in such that this would be possible.  My main goal, is NONE of my training would take ANY time away from my kids.  Mornings home with them I would still be able to make big breakfasts, and from the time after school everyday would be about them and their schedules.
I don't work Fridays, so this would obviously be my long bike day, and Saturday or Sunday mornings would be my long run.  Each week there is 3 swims and 3 runs (on the same day) and 3 bikes and 1 rest day).  All other workouts would happen between work and getting Lo from school.

As for all three disciplines.  Swimming is the hardest for me, but in a weird way I am loving all the work.  It reminds me of skate skiing, I worked really hard by going ALL the time to get good.  The swim is not easy, and progress is SLOW, but it's there!
The bike is my favorite, I love having an excuse to put more time on it!  I love heading out for 50/60 miles just me and my bike, or with friends.  I love where I have come on the bike.  Its natural for me, my handling has improved over the years, and weather doesn't scare me.
Which  brings me to the run, honestly I could take it or leave it.  I know what I need to do to get faster, but I don't really care.  I love the trails runs I am doing with no agenda, no watch, no pace and think I will call it good on that!

Here's the thing about following a 16 week plan, makes traveling a little difficult.  Granted we do have a Mt Rainer camping trip planned at the beginning of summer, but I can do my run and my ride there. In true Jenni style though, knowing I could travel once this is done,  I have a trips planned in August, October, and January.....all are now booked and just waiting for me!

Moments I Wouldn't miss...

Maybe it's because I used to work for the airlines and had very little control over my schedule, or perhaps it's that my kids are getting older and these moments are going way to fast, whatever it is I am happy to take it all in, even if it means driving 2 plus hours to watch my son run 2 laps (2 minutes 14 seconds to be exact) around a track for districts. 
He didn't know until this week he even qualified (earning the 15th out of 15 spots in the 800) for the district meet.  When he told me on Tuesday, I didn't think twice, Lo and I of course would head down.  Last night Rick mentioned wanting to come, and this morning my Mom surprised us and showed up to.  It was awesome.  My son didn't set any records or even PR, but he was there and he got to experience it.  Of course watching him was my favorite.  I originally thought I would watch him and leave, well it was truly awesome to watch this level of high school athletes, we stayed for the whole thing, were all on our feet for the 4x400...loved it. Big thanks to my friend Nancy who explained everything for me too!
I didn't run.....ever...in high school, I played varsity tennis all four years, and truly didn't get why anyone would choose to run....for fun.  In fact I never even went to a meet prior to my son running.  I'm hooked.  In awe of what talented young athletes we have, and their ability to put it all out there and go for it.  Looking forward to two more years of this (Lo said no way is this her thing)!

The roadies

The call out, very cool

I'd say she's a proud Grandma

I love these

Workouts 5/12-5/19

I made it!  This has been one of the tougher weeks, the workouts are ok, but the fatigue that set in was huge.  Because of schedule conflicts and what not, I needed my rest day to be Sunday, which meant there was not a day off for 9 days.
I have to say training for a marathon is MUCH easier, the time commitment is far less, BUT this is more fun for me.  I love having to put time in on the bike and working on my swim, it's just figuring out where to put 15 hours worth of workouts into my already busy week, without missing a beat with the kids!

Monday 5/12- Swim 1600y, run 5 miles
Tuesday 5/13- bike Eaglerock 24 miles
Wednesday 5/14- swim 1400y, run 4.5 miles (this day was a struggle, works been BUSY too)
Thursday 5/15- bike easy Monitor Loop 22 miles
Friday 5/16- Bike Mission Creek 47 miles 2 hours 40 minuts, made it home in time to go to the noon swim and swam 1800y
Saturday 5/17- just knowing tomorrow is a rest day made this run do able, 11 miles, slow!
Sunday- OFF

Parent Challenges

Being a parent is by and far the most rewarding adventure of my life.  I love it, and I have two really amazing kids, but there are challenges.  My son is 16 and such a wonderful young man to be around, he is smart, funny and respectful.  He is very good to his sister and me.  This age however brings on plenty of stress, challenges  and lessons of letting go.
School has always come easy for him, perhaps too easy. In middle school he was able to do very well, with little effort.  High School has been a challenge, not so much the academic side of it, but the expectation.  Part of me would love to blame the system,but I believe in personal accountability.  Kids are allowed in most classes to turn in papers/homework late, with a slight deduction.  My son has interpreted this to mean its fine, and often turns things in late, or not at all.  Missing the point that the homework is the preparation for the test.  I spent all last year checking the online grading system they have called skyward, then calling his Dad, to discuss and come up with a plan, only to be disappointed with the lack of follow through.  My son made it through with A.B's and C's for his final report cards last year.  This year the first semester started good, then we dipped really low, he lost his Ipod, and the privilege to hang out with friends on weekends if homework was missing (again only at my house), at semester he got average grades, but it is exhausting as his mom to be checking and worrying about this all the time.  I had HUGE hopes for my son, I assumed he would continue to excel through school and go onto a 4 year university.  Now community college is more likely, at least until he puts some effort into school.  This isn't bad, and I am starting to except it, but "I" wanted so much more for him.  Maybe it's MY fear that he will  "settle" like his dad.  I know my son can do better.....
This semester has been the worst yet.  He is facing having to do credit retrieval if he can't pull off a D in Algebra, and this breaks my heart.  I am disappointed in my son for not taking responsibly, and I am mad at my ex for his lack of support on these matters.  We had a clear conversation earlier this semester in which I thought we were both in agreement, our son DID NOT need anymore distractions, and an IPhone would likely be a bad idea, but yet good motivation to work towards if he pulled good grades......what did he get for his birthday, an IPhone.  It's frustrating to say the least!  The various social networks, have become a huge distraction to my son, further contributing to his lack of motivation in school.  I hate it.
The reality of this bad math grade along with his other sub par grades (with the exception of English) has been hard for me.  At what point do I start letting go?  At what point do I stop checking skyward every other day and reminding him what assignments he still needs to turn in?  At what point can I trust it will all work out.....

Simple Thanks

Thank you to my kids and Rick for a wonderful Mothers day.  I couldn't have asked for a more perfect way to spend the day, than with the ones I love.  I love you guys so very much, and very blessed to be a Mom to two amazing children!
I don't feel the need to share my day on here, because it was my perfect..noone else's, we'll just say my family knows me very well, and knows what's important to me!
Didn't take pictures other than Lo trying out her new bike, so I will just share this one!

Workouts 5/6-5/12

Monday 6th- Run 5.5 miles, swim 1800yards
Tuesday 7th-  Bike 28 miles
Wednesday 8th- Swim 1400 y, run 5 miles
Thursday 9th- OFF
Friday 10th- Bike 53 miles (Chumstick, Chiwawa Loop, Tumwater)
Saturday 11th- Trail run 5 miles, road run 5 miles
Sunday 12th- Bike, easy 24 miles (my legs from the downhill part of the trail run were toast)!

*I was so tired by Sunday, 1 more hard week then its a rest week.  First time ever I am really looking forward to!

So Much on the Brain

I've got so much to blog about and so little time to do so!  In fact my computer life has been minimal lately with work, training and kids.  And YES I am glad I still don't have a smart phone, because quite honestly I don't have time to be on it!
I'll work on a post later this week about my business, it turned 10 years old, which is a pretty big deal, but when I think of doing it for the 10 years, a lot comes to mind!

For now yesterday's Trail Run.
I signed my son and I up for a 5 mile trail run weeks ago.  Was really excited about this run, it's on one of my favorite trails, AND 100% of the entry fee went back to the Chelan Douglas Land Trust, towards their Foothills campaign.  Great GREAT organization! 
I picked up a few of my friends along the way, the temperatures were cooler than they had been, and the engery at the start of the race/run was awesome.  Everyone was there to support the land trust, and for most run a trail they had never been on.  I knew my son could do well on this, he is a fantastic runner, with track going on right now, he is conditioned better than most adults.  I could tell at the start he was getting exicted, he had  never raced 5 miles let alone on a trail.  I pointed out some of the men that I knew would be fast and set a good pace.  This trail is single track the first almost 3 miles, while you gain close to a 1000 feet, passing isn't easy so I told him at the start get in behind those guys.  He did, and claimed 2nd place in the mens overall!  So incrediably proud of him, and he had so much fun doing so!

As for myself, I am not a fast runner.  I am a competitor.  My last two road 10ks, were 48 minutes at the Wenatchee Marathon and 46:40 at the Saul Gallegos, not fast by fast runners standards, but much faster than I would believe I could go!
Not sure what it was about this run, maybe that my son was doing it and I wanted to make him proud as well, or that it was on a trail,  which is what most of my runs are on these days and I was exctied, but I took off at that start not wanting to get stuck not being able to get around on the trail and took off, fell in a line with a couple men and a few woman and off we went.  Looked down at my watch at 2 miles and was feeling quite well, so decided to go around the group and figured what the heck go for it.  Ended up coming in 3rd place, a fun surprise to me.   It had been a hard training week,  and had in fact done a 53 mile ride the day before.  However, in my mind yesterday I thought, I am actually better trained than I maybe ever have been, my body has more ability than  I give it credit for, and I can do it.
This was honestly the most fun I have ever had on a run.

Blessed, I am...

Having a little evening date with my Lilo.  Our nights consisting of watching the Proposal, eating a dinner of grilled cheese, apple slices, carrots and asparagus on the floor.
There's not a day that goes by when I don't look at this girl, with amazement and think I am so lucky to be this girls Mom (I think this about both my children, but these days it's a lot of just Lo and I).
She is my daughter through and through (yes, I know others would agree).  She loves to be early to everything, is always prepared, organized,  always wants to know the plan, and if it changes wants to be notified of it.  Because I operate much like her, she makes my life very easy!  This girl is such a caretaker, it actually breaks my heart to think of how at times she took care of me, cheering me up, and knowing exactly what I needed to hear when she was just 8 years old.  She dotes on my nephews and friends little kids, always helping out. 
I wake her up on Tuesdays and Wednesdays at 5:45, she springs out of bed, gets dressed, eats breakfast, brushes her teeth and hair, then feeds the dogs, all within 20 minutes.....without me ever once having to tell her to do so. 
I love our walks home from school each day, her constant chatter about her day.  I cherish the mornings I get to make "big" breakfast and sit with her.  I love being in her classroom on Fridays.  I love this transition to being a teen, but catching the glimpses of the child within.  I love how artistic she is, and her imagination to create.  At night I love those quite moments before bed reading, then snuggling with her.  I love this child (and Luke) more than anything.  I understand and appreciate the meaning of a Mom's love, and I don't take a moment of this for granted.  I am blessed to have been chosen to be her Mom.

2nd Annual Escape

Apple Blossom.  We peaced out for the weekend to Sun Mountain Resort.  This year my son's Apple Blossom schedule was pretty full, he was scheduled to work for Young Life to offset the cost of his Malibu trip this summer, and wanted to participate in a 3 on 3 basketball tournament.  So he stayed home and took care of the house and animals.  I was a bit nervous about it, but put my trust in him and he did pretty good.  HUGE thanks to my parents that followed him around all weekend, checking in on him and watching all his games!  The Methow was as fabulous as always, weather was 80 degrees and no wind.  Gorgeous and looking forward to heading back in a couple of weeks.

I get asked a lot where I stay, so I thought I would lay out a few of my favorites on here.
This link http://www.methownet.com/lodging.php  has a list of all lodging options in the Methow, and from there you can click the link to the individual websites.

Here are a few favorites for different occasions.

Clearly Sun Mountain Lodge is wonderful, beautiful, relaxing, quite.  They have a pool, hot tub and spa.  Downside is it's spendy and 6ish miles from town.

For a large group, renting a couple of the Rivers Edge (not to be confuse with River Run) cabins works well and can accommodate 3 couples.  We've done this in the winter so those that aren't as big of skiers are right in town and can do their thing, plus they each have their own hot tub.

If it's just Rick and I, or another couple, I often get on the Mazama Country Inn's website, they have a link to the left where they rent out individuals cabins and houses.  I have never been disappointed with any of the places I have stayed at. The prices are often better than some other cabins.  Only thing it's helpful to know the Mazama area and have an idea where you want to stay.  Some are a bit isolated and away from the trails.  I think the beauty of staying in Mazama is being close to the trails.

Timberline Meadows has some good cabins.  The ones closest to the main house are owned by the people there, but they've expanded and sold some lots where they rent others out.  Great again for families or several couples.  Downside, the further you get from the main house the weaker the Internet gets. 

In Winthrop we found kind of a fun gem the Methow River Lodges and Cabins.  You can walk right over the bridge to town, or up to the ice rink to catch the shuttle to Mazama and ski the 30k back.  We stayed there for the first time in 2/12 and half of the lodge had been completed within 8 months, the other half was under construction.  People that own or run it are super nice, and their rates are reasonable.  Their website I believe says no dogs, but when I've inquired I believe on the main floor you can have them (not positive).

Which brings me to if you do want clean, affordable and dogs Mt. Gardner Inn.  No frills, but people and pet friendly, and often cheaper than the rest!

Enjoy!

This girl loves the Twisp River Pub as much as her Mom

Workouts 4/29- 5/2

Posting a day early, because with the exceptions of a small hike Sunday WILL be a rest day!

Monday 29th- run 5 miles, swim 2000 yards
Tuesday 30th- bike 28 miles (cross bike in strong wind)
Wednesday 1st- bike 32 miles
Thursday 2nd - run 10 miles, swim 1700 yards
Friday 3rd- bike 42 miles, mission creek and yaksum
Saturday 4th- 7 mile Sage hills run
Sunday 5th - rest!

Friday Ramblings

So much is running around in my head!  Last night I was sitting at Lo's volleyball (after a very long busy day), a moment of clarity came to me.  I was really glad I wasn't missing this moment, my girl was in her Nike capris, and a sequin top having a blast with new 5th and 6th grade friends, I just took it all in.  I realized in this very moment,  that because I am raising my kids on my own, this is what allowed me to not miss that moment.  When Lars and I were together, our household was just as busy, so on a night like that one of us would've dropped Lo off the other made dinner.  There's no one else to drop her off, just me, and I run a few errands then come back and hang out.  Our dinners are later than usual on those nights, but it's all ok.  I am raising her, and while I have to share every other weekend, I am perhaps catching more of her life than ever before.

Rambling #2: King verses Queen.  I have been thinking this one through a lot (this is the stuff I think of running).  I always thought a king bed would be nice, and they are.  There's a downside I am finding (Rick has a king bed), I like to snuggle, the king beds are so big I wake up in a world of my own, not sure if it's for me.  I am loving my bed.   It's so comfy, and piled with lots of pillows and blankets, I love to be all snuggled in my bed, and when Rick stays at my house I can throw my arm out and find him!

Rambling #3:  Independence, I needed that!  I know my future is with Rick, and one day we will live under one roof but for now I needed to live on my own.    I have gained so much from having my own home, changing it the way I want to. I love my home, I do crave downsizing,  but I love my time here and my space.  I went from college, back to my parents for just under a year with  my boy, then moved in with Lars.  I never had that time on my own, to figure out and gain independence as well as confidence in myself.  This has been a beautiful experience!

Strong

I'm blogging this fresh off a riding in the wind high.  My thoughts are so fresh and clear when I bike.  When it's a day like today, the wind gusting and could've easily persuaded me to do something else, but I didn't let it.  Instead I pulled out of my driveway and smack dab into a head wind, and rode strong!
I felt empowered and strong, somewhat of a metaphor to place I have arrived at in my life.  I thought about the journey while on my ride.  I lost a lot of myself in my previous relationship.  I didn't use to ride as long or as far, because I didn't know how to change a flat or fix my chain.   I didn't even bother to learn, which was not the type of woman I wanted to be.  Now I do, it empowers me to go out on my own.  I am confident if something does happen I can fix it (granted I do have a knight in shining armor that would likely rescue me too), I am a woman cyclist.  A much better cyclist than I was 2 years ago, and I attribute that largely to the confidence I have gained in myself.

In a few weeks it will have been two years since my ex and I cut off all emotional (for me) and physical ties.  This was the moment I started to gain my independence and move forward in all areas of my life. I had found myself in such a grey area of him being my clutch.   Not in a healthy way what so ever, but all I had known for so long. Even though he had left months before, it had prevented me from moving forward, and kept me in an emotional whirlwind.
On the bike today I thought, I am proud of who I have become, as a mother, business owner, friend, athlete, and now girlfriend.  I am empowered by all that I have learned and embraced.  I got done with my ride today and just thought "I've got this", life in so many ways is so good.  It WAS NOT easy to get here, but I do believe it is well deserved, and I can say that now!  Cheers!