Conflicted

It's funny how photos can evoke a particular feeling or emotion.  I was looking through photos on the computer tonight (still working on my business milestone post,) when I came across a trip to Maui Lo and I took October 2010.  I was instantly reminded of the pain and confusion  I felt then, however  was compelled to look through them, they are beautiful photos, in a beautiful place with my favorite traveling companion, but at a very difficult time.  I wanted to feel and remember the hurt and betrayal (to which I would only learn the full extent later).  Perhaps it serves as a reminder how far I have come,  and that even though I thought things were good, life wasn't as it seemed. 

I still have nights I'm sad, I mourn the loss of my kids growing up in a two parent household.  I don't miss the  chaos and lack of control over my own life that I felt.  Life's complicated sometimes, but when I see this picture and remember the stress and hurt I was feeling I also see that smiling innocent 8 year old face, and everything makes complete sense.  My priorities are clear, and they live with me.  I can spell out all the benefits of a two parent household, and there are a ton, but these kiddos have me, and while they have me, my purpose in life  is to raise, care and advocate for them.