Reflections

I've been thinking a lot and reflecting even more.  I was chatting with a friend going through her divorce, the pain she is experiencing,  I know well.  She's sad, hurt and scared, and wants to know when the mind becomes at ease again. It's still fresh in my mind and heart, but yet some how I have arrived at a place better than I have ever been, or even hoped for , two years ago.
I'm a lucky one, having the support of my on-call friends, they are the ones that got me through the really tough stuff.  Then meeting a special someone, brought me full circle.  Before I met him, as I've said before I was dating here and there, but mostly I was working on me.  Figuring out my life on my own, settling into new routines with my kids.  Traveling, visiting old friends, really exploring my life near and far, doing the things that were important to me.  Then I met this man,  who had done a bit of the same.  Who also had been in a long term relationship, one that didn't involve marriage or children, but nonetheless shaped a large part of his life.
In this last year, I have felt a calm in myself.  I know what it is, it's letting go.  This wasn't a fast process, but I never expected it to be.  I hoped, but also maybe knew one day I would arrive here.   I was so hurt by my ex, and angry at him for leaving, for not working things out.   I needed to feel those emotions (they weren't pleasant), they were just part of the natural progression.  I'm no longer hurt or angry, instead I am very happy with my life.  I look back on my past relationship, and think in the 14 years I spent with him, we went through a lot, the birth of two kids, the death of a parent,  career changes, growing a business together, buying and selling a house, most of it in our twenties.  That's a lot of life to share with someone.  Some amazing, and some very very hard.  All of it an important part of who I am today.  I recently found some old Cd's in the garage, and as I listened to them, the memories of the times and places we were when these songs came out,  made me happy.  They made me smile, and I thought, these are my memories.  No matter what changes we make in life or go through, these were our times together, we certainly shared a lot, and at that time I was perhaps very in love.
It's OK to honor those great memories. And it's OK to move on, I am with someone now that shares the same values and ideas as me.  That I am very much in love with, and get excited at the memories we've already made, and excited to build a future of more memories together.  My ex and I were no longer sharing a vision, we were at two very different places in life.  I wouldn't want the life he's living now.   I would never condone the actions that lead to our break up, but I am a bit grateful to have experienced this journey.  I don't know that I would fully appreciate how great the man I'm with now is without going through all that.  There are times I look at him, and really can't believe my luck.  Someone was looking down on me, HE had a plan for me.  This post is to honoring the past, living very much in the present, and looking towards the future.

Last One, or so I Thought

Was down to the last of my never ending spaghetti squash, or so I thought.  My mom probably planted the same if not more plants than I (I planted 4, at least 2 too many), my Dad informed me they have a whole box full in the garage. 
Here's what I learned.  They grow like pumpkins and choke out everything else.  My four plants took over one entire raised bed, thank goodness my lettuce grew before them.  Don't let them get huge (remember an earlier picture with Lo and my huge squash), pick them at the desired size and they will ripen up inside later.  They keep great!
My favorite way to cook them was in the microwave, poke holes all over and cook between 2-3 minutes each side, cut in half, scoop out seeds, and begin forking the goods out!
I enjoyed making fresh pesto and mixing it in.  Tried it also with marinar and as  pasta primavera, sauteing zucchini's, onion, tomatoes and carrots, tossing with olive oil and garlic.  The pesto was my personal favorite with some tomatoes. 

guts to the left, forked goods to the right

finished product

Photos from Thanksgiving

So much to say about this great day, but I will leave it at, I was truly honored to be included (the kids and I) into Rick's side of the family for Thanksgiving. They are a wonderful, kind and loving group of people, thank you to all of you for making us feel so welcomed. The rest I will leave at pictures!

 

 

Thank you Pat for planning this activity with Lo

Table set for 28

Tree of thanks

Ironically I took a picture of this one, and later found out who wrote it, thanks love

Day after walk

Workouts 11/19-11/25

Monday 19th- Lap swim 2200m
Tuesday 20th- Run 6.5 miles
Wednesday 21st- Gym (run 4 miles, 45 minutes of weights/medicine ball)
Thursday 22nd- off
Friday 23rd- off
Saturday 24th- bike reverse Du course 26 miles (haven't been outside riding in 2 weeks, huge difference)
Sunday 25th- 42 mile bike, Pinnacle loop

Thanksgiving Eve

As we express our gratitude we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them- John F Kennedy
 

I love the quote above, and have often said words don't mean that much if you don't follow through with actions. I feel thankful for so much in my life, living a fairly stress free life, raising and being able to provide for my two amazing children on my own, constant love and support from friends and family, experiencing a true, honest, real love and a whole other family that comes along with that. It's my hope that I have shown you all how grateful I am to you. You all make my life a beautiful place. Happy Thanksgiving!

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1 Hour of Silence...please

There are times I find myself envious that my ex lives in a little 2 bedroom apartment, no repairs or maintenance, no insurance, taxes,  garbage or water to pay, cleaning is even limited because of the size.  Sometimes that simplicity sounds fabulous! Thankfully those moments are rare, and seem to fall in the middle of some house project I am tired of doing.  That's where I was this afternoon, felt great to be home again this weekend, sleep in, enjoy my coffee and get going at EVERYTHING!  It was a gorgeous day out, so of course had to (aka wanted to) get in a good run with Kaiser, but I have been on the never ending project that started when I remodeled the basement, Luke moved down there (that was easy), but then Lo wanted his old room (the bigger room), so I figured if we are going to do it, we'll really do it.  I ordered her a bedroom set from Costco, steam cleaned the carpet, then today painted it purple (of course), and assembled furniture (with the help of a few good men), it was exhausting and at 4 o'clock I still hadn't showered from my run a 10, felt nasty, tired and grumpy.....An hour later sitting here showered, sipping my spiked hot chocolate, and admiring the work we did (oh, also got Christmas decorations up), now I'm thinking how much I love my house, how great this weekend was.  Loving the fact that Luke's friends hung out here both Friday and Saturday night.  Being glad I provide a home for my kids, I like where I'm at.....of course in a month or so when I am shoveling 2 feet of snow in my very long driveway, again I will be wishing for the simplicity and lack of responsibilities an apartment could bring!


A little Saturday morning chess lesson

This little guy wanted SO badly to help, right here he is "holding it in place"

And so it begins...

Workouts 11/12- 11/18

Monday 12th- 65 minute trainer workout to Chris Carmichael's, cycling for fitness, Swim 1800m
Tuesday 13th- 30 minute run on treadmill, 40 minutes of weights
Wednesday 14th- 2200m lap swim
Thursday 15th-  Treadmill- 1 mile jog warm-up, 10x400 (90 second jog in between), 1/2 mile cool down
Friday 16th- Sage Hills trail run, 6 miles
Saturday 17th- 65 minute trainer workout, 15 minute easy spin cool down (while reading People's sexiest man)
Sunday 18th- 8 mile run- thank you blue skies for returning, and making running enjoyable!

In the Spirit

I wake this morning with a devout thanksgiving for my friends, the old and the new - Ralph Waldo Emerson
 
People say you can't live in the past, and I agree, but we can honor it. It is what shapes us for who we are in the present. Last night a few of my close high school friends got together to celebrate a birthday. Life has taken us in different areas and we don't see each other as often as we'd like, but last night was a good reminder that some things never change, 20 years later we still love each other. As with the quote above and in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I am thankful for my friends, old and new.

 
 

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Run or Not

I am in a wee bit of a running funk and I'm ok with it. Seems to happen every November when our sun disappears. November is a hard month here, much like March. I'm not a downhill skier, just a Nordic skier and the season is typically December-February. So for now I am just mixing it up, still running 2-3 times a week, but yesterday was speed work on the treadmill (for whatever reason doing speed work to House Hunters is not so bad), if I want to do any distance (and at this point distance is 6 or 7 miles) I need to hit the trails, that will be closing soon.
Really I'm just hoping for snow. Last year Rick and I were able to ski in the Methow the weekend after Thanksgiving, and we're ready to do so again this year, as long as Mother nature cooperates!

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CSA Rundown

My first year with the CSA was a success!  My friend Sarah did it this year as well and I'm curious as to what she thinks.  Both of us got the basic share and had our own gardens.  I plan to do it again next year.  Excellent variety, plenty of stuff Rick and I shared.  It was $400 something for the 6 months, which averaged $22 a week.  My concern was I would have to supplement too often with the stuff we use regularly.  I only supplemented a few times early on with carrots, and later in the season with greens.
I would change up my garden a little bit next year, now that I know what to expect.  First and probably most obvious, I will only plant 2 spaghetti squash plants instead of 4 (I still have 3 squashes left, I love it, but had WAY too much of it).  I will cut back on my greens and instead do a later harvest.  I will plant more carrots, and start them from seeds earlier, I waited too long on those.  Tomatoes and peppers will stay the same.  I plan to grow more basil so I can make and freeze more pesto. And do a pumpkin patch.
My Mom and Dad resurrected my grandparents old garden and from them I received a ton of beans, greens, peppers and really yummy corn.    This was such a great year in produce, felt so good to be growing so much of our own.  Can't say enough positive things about the Farmhouse Table too, every week they were just as excited to give me my goods as I was to get it.  Plus super helpful in suggestions as to how to use it!

Our Little Friends

We are animal lovers, Lo and I. Saying good bye to our furry friends is never easy, especially ones we really like.
Rest in Peace sweet Stuart, you will be missed.

 

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Jack'sGirls

It's not very often I get to get dressed up.  I actually LOVE getting dressed up, but in my profession cords are about as dressy as  it gets and at my age I'm not exactly going to many weddings.
Last Friday night I was honored to be a part of an event honoring my friend Jack.  Jack was the former CEO of the hospital, and someone over the last 10 years I've considered a dear friend, he and his wife.  Last year when he told me he was leaving CWH, at the coffee stand, I cried.  I was shocked, and the thought of not getting to joke around, talk about this, that, life and trivia question each day, totally bummed me out!  I wasn't alone, so a few of Jack's gals got together and volunteered at the Foundations Gala, in which Jack was the recipient of a the A.Z. Wells awards.  I rarely curl my hair with my "special" curling iron, because I have so much hair it far exceeds the time limit I like to put on hair styling, but for special occasions such as this I do what I can!

Jack I know you check in on me here once in a while.  Miss you a ton, please stop in SOON, but give me a heads up so I can bring Riley a treat!

Exception to the Rule

There's always an exception to the rule, and this weekend was one of them.  For all the complaining I do about the time I miss with my kids, this weekend it was actually nice they were away at their Dad's.  I had social engagements on the calendar for both Friday and Saturday night, plus needed to get a lot of the basics done at home.
Happy to say I got the inside of the house totally cleaned (in between lounging with coffee at the computer), including steam cleaning the carpets, plus Rick and I...or mostly Rick kicked arse on the outside.  ALL the front leaves are done, I put the garden to bed, he re routed my garage gutters to hopefully fix the flooding that's been happening. His help was very much appreciated.  Together we have 2 homes, so to take an entire weekend for mine, was so generous!
Also managed Friday and Saturday runs at Sage Hills.  I exercise a lot, not always for perfomance improvement, or to stay in shape, but because it helps me think.  It is my drug of choice.  If I head to the gym (which is rare) it's more out of a sense of obligation.  My love lies in running outside (particularly trail running), cycling, and most recently swimming.  I have found something so calming in the repetition of lap swim.  I love getting into a rhythm, and not hearing anything but your own breath, I'm hooked.  Soon skate skiing will replace outdoor cycling for me along with cycling it is my favorite sport.  There is nothing better than the smell and the beauty that comes with it, plus it's a great workout.  All my friends skate,yet another bonus. Plus Rick  is one very talented skier, and the most patient teacher.  I skied trails in the Methow last year I never thought possible.  Let it snow!

Below are some photos of Sage, the trails are in amazing shape.  It's wonderful to see how fast everything is coming back from the fire.
The ones of Kaiser and I are exactly why I stay away from selfies, they really never work out for me!

HAPPY DOG!

Attempt 1: Getting slobbered on

Attempt 2:  OK EXCEPT POO BAG APPEARED IN THE PHOTO

Attempt # too many:  The best one, and yet my dogs head looks gigantic

Saturday am, dusting of snow on this hills, and beautiful trails

Motivation and Friend time.  Nothing better than catching up with a friend on a run!

Workouts 11/5-11/11

Monday 5th- Swim 2200m (couldn't find my groove)
Tuesday 6th - OFF
Wednesday 7th- bike 2hours, 5minutes 37 miles, Mission Creek, felt fabulous
Thursday 8th- Ran 7 miles
Friday 9th- Trail Run Sage 4.5 miles, swim 1600 (much better day in the pool)
Saturday 10th- Sage Hills run again 5.5 miles, medicine ball workout
Sunday 11th- rake, sweep, bag leaves, put garden to bed.  YES this was a workout. I'm convinced being a home owner keeps you skinny....hours of work later I am wiped!

Good Morning

Winters on its way. A wise friend once told me you need to experience at least 4 seasons with a someone before you make any lifelong decisions with that person! I love that advise.

Cheers to entering season 7, Rick!

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I've got this...I hope

Oh goodness the ebb and flow of emotions that are associated with the impending holidays.  As I have mentioned before this will be the first Christmas  my kids won't be waking up Christmas morning with me.  I think I have things pretty well lined up so I can survive, although it still makes me sad.
I was out riding last week and came to the decision, to not put up a Christmas tree.  Poor Lo was shocked, but I assured her we will still do all our Holiday  decorations,  it's just that we will be in Hawaii for 10 days  prior to Christmas and they won't be home for a week after Christmas, so the work of a Christmas tree seems a little pointless, and a lot of stress.
I keep reminding myself I have some really great things to look forward to.    First up is Thanksgiving, we are heading to Spokane to spend with Rick's large and loving family.  It was so much fun last year, I am really excited for the kids to experience it this year.  Then Bff Christmas party.  Ladies if you don't do this, you should.  Every year my girlfriends and I throw ourselves  a Christmas Party.  Last year we let the guys in on it, but this year they get to go to the annual Methow Ski weekend, so it's a ladies party. 
Then off to Hawaii, this is big.  Just knowing I will have 10 uninterrupted days with my kids to myself is huge, it really makes the thought of them being gone  a week bearable.  While they are gone I will need to catch up on work and hopefully ski each day. 
Our annual Methow Ski Weekend has moved up to accommodate everyone.  We include the guys about every other year (for those married with kids, getting away with out the guys is actually easier than finding someone for a whole weekend to watch your kids), this year all the guys wanted to go.  We've ended up with 7/ maybe 8 couples (three cabins).  I love this weekend each year, and SO glad it's become a bit of a tradition.  Then kids weekend in Mazama.  When February roles around we have New York.
So see I have lots to look forward to, plan for....keep me busy.   It's not to say Christmas day I won't be out mad skiing for hours just to clear my head, and because I will be no fun for anyone to be around, but I am trying!

Thank You

I just wanted to say thank you to those that messaged me or came and talked to me after I posted the "Does it get Easier"post.  I don't often attach links to FB, because usually it's my day to day ramblings that I figure if you want to read you will.  With that one though I felt the need to get it out there.
This is my blog about my life.  The good, the bad, the sad and happy.  There are times I am conflicted.  I believe "He" has a plan for me, I believe I am supposed to learn and grow from the past, I believe there is a reason  to experience both love and loss.  I felt going threw a divorce was at the time the most devastating thing to happen (that and the circumstances that caused it), but I also feel know somehow I came out on top.  I have my family and friends, a business I love, a home, and the opportunity to experience a new relationship filled with trust, love and understanding.  I am blessed, I know, but all that will never take the heartache of time away from my kids that I don't have a choice in.
Your words of encouragement and praise for putting it out there, truly touched me.  Thank you!

Amore!

A very Happy Anniversary to two people I love and care about very much! 
It was the most memorable day a year ago, and I was honored to be there to witness it!
She is one of my best friends, and he is one the most thoughtful and caring men I have known.  I couldn't imagine a better pair.  The two have taught me so much about life, love, and caring oneself with grace through adverse times, as well as given me new found hope for my future!
Cheers to a lifetime of love!

Going With It

I had a whole agenda planned out for today.  A very LONG list of house chores in and outside.  First thing on my list was starting the day with a run.  I went the long way to the gym (its actually the opposite way and then back), it was a tad overcast, which was what the forecast was calling for.  On my run I went over my list: make breakfast, start laundry, rake back yard, steam clean upstairs carpets, put sample paint on Lo's wall, get to the hospital, Costco, then Halloween party, back home, help Rick with blowing out sprinklers, make dinner......

Well needless to say I got out of the gym and it was gorgeous.  The thought of chores and the kids hanging out inside all day was a no go!  Ditched most of the list except breakfast, Halloween party and dinner (Rick did my sprinklers...THANK YOU, LOVE).  Packed up the dogs, grabbed coffee and hiked up to Marion Lake.  I love how easy this hike is to access and how close to town, maybe a 15 minute drive, super easy for kids too, and awesome for dogs!  About 3/4 of the way up we ran into some friends and their kids (Lo was thrilled). 
My list is still long, but it doesn't bother me, it was a wonderful day and weekend!


At this point we were on task..breakfast

Luke may very well be the most entertaining hiker

Happy Boy, Happy Dog

Even sibling bonding

Bff Mini's Halloween Party....or excuse for mommies to get together..

Workouts 10/29- 11/4

Monday 29th- 7 mile run
Tuesday 30th- 4.5 mile run, 1 hour on the trainer
Wednesday 31st- 1800m swim
Thursday 1st-  bike 38 miles (Nahahum Canyon and back)
Friday 2nd-  6 mile tempo run (felt good, my goal was to keep it just under 8mm)
Saturday 3rd- Bike 26 miles (home to the Du course and back)
Sunday 4th-  4 mile run to gym, 20 minutes of weights, 1 mile run home...then hiked Marion Lake 3 miles RT

Handy Men and Milestones!

Oh man is it nice to have a man around, and a teenage son that wants a car!  Two years ago I did whatever I could to get this house ready for winter, not really having a clue what it all entailed.  Thank goodness my Dad was around helping us.  Last year was better,  and this year Rick showed me how to clean out my gutters....ooops, who knew!  I didn't think I had a fear of heights, but I won't lie, did not like being on the roof digging gunk out.  The leaves at this house are NEVER ending.  I love my big beautiful trees but good lord do they lose a lot of leaves.  Luke was put to work on the front yard yesterday!

Today was a BIG day!  I bought Luke a car (well technically it's my car and he will now have a car to drive).  This is a huge moment, huge!  I remember getting my first car, and how fun it was to just sit in it.  It was so fun to have this moment and experience with him.  A bit bittersweet too, he's growing up, he won't be legal to drive for 5 more months, but it's happening.  Two years ago I would've dreaded this moment, but as much as I am shuttling him and his sister around, I am actually really looking forward to a little less driving myself!

Thanks Mom and Dad for being a part of this too!!!

Somebody else was a little excited too!

Does it get easier?

Divorce is hard, period.  I no longer mourn the loss of my spouse, he's alive and well, I mourn my family as a whole.  The comfort and security in knowing each holiday will be spent with my kids.  Now I look ahead years on a calendar to see what holidays I will have MY children and which ones will be spent without them.  Quite honestly it just doesn't seem fair.
This was the first Halloween in 15 years I didn't get to fully participate with them.  Lo's ten, so I feel the years of trick or treating are numbered.  I did get her ready,  even made a quick (and early) trip down the street, and I'm thankful for that.  I didn't choose this situation, but for the most part I have adjusted, and have learned to embrace this new life.  When it comes to my kids though, the situation doesn't get easier.  Making times like this even more difficult is the social media networks, it's right there in front of you, that your children are not with you.  It's heartbreaking, when I want nothing more at that very moment than to be with them.........

Thanks Sis for swinging by to show off your adorable boys, and seeing Lo before she was off!