Reflections

I've been thinking a lot and reflecting even more.  I was chatting with a friend going through her divorce, the pain she is experiencing,  I know well.  She's sad, hurt and scared, and wants to know when the mind becomes at ease again. It's still fresh in my mind and heart, but yet some how I have arrived at a place better than I have ever been, or even hoped for , two years ago.
I'm a lucky one, having the support of my on-call friends, they are the ones that got me through the really tough stuff.  Then meeting a special someone, brought me full circle.  Before I met him, as I've said before I was dating here and there, but mostly I was working on me.  Figuring out my life on my own, settling into new routines with my kids.  Traveling, visiting old friends, really exploring my life near and far, doing the things that were important to me.  Then I met this man,  who had done a bit of the same.  Who also had been in a long term relationship, one that didn't involve marriage or children, but nonetheless shaped a large part of his life.
In this last year, I have felt a calm in myself.  I know what it is, it's letting go.  This wasn't a fast process, but I never expected it to be.  I hoped, but also maybe knew one day I would arrive here.   I was so hurt by my ex, and angry at him for leaving, for not working things out.   I needed to feel those emotions (they weren't pleasant), they were just part of the natural progression.  I'm no longer hurt or angry, instead I am very happy with my life.  I look back on my past relationship, and think in the 14 years I spent with him, we went through a lot, the birth of two kids, the death of a parent,  career changes, growing a business together, buying and selling a house, most of it in our twenties.  That's a lot of life to share with someone.  Some amazing, and some very very hard.  All of it an important part of who I am today.  I recently found some old Cd's in the garage, and as I listened to them, the memories of the times and places we were when these songs came out,  made me happy.  They made me smile, and I thought, these are my memories.  No matter what changes we make in life or go through, these were our times together, we certainly shared a lot, and at that time I was perhaps very in love.
It's OK to honor those great memories. And it's OK to move on, I am with someone now that shares the same values and ideas as me.  That I am very much in love with, and get excited at the memories we've already made, and excited to build a future of more memories together.  My ex and I were no longer sharing a vision, we were at two very different places in life.  I wouldn't want the life he's living now.   I would never condone the actions that lead to our break up, but I am a bit grateful to have experienced this journey.  I don't know that I would fully appreciate how great the man I'm with now is without going through all that.  There are times I look at him, and really can't believe my luck.  Someone was looking down on me, HE had a plan for me.  This post is to honoring the past, living very much in the present, and looking towards the future.