Challenge

There is something really rewarding about challenging yourself to do something that takes you out of your comfort zone. I have continued to open water swim, going once a week these last few weeks. Each time going further than the last. My swim in the race was 1.25 miles (1900 meters), far and scary at the time. This last Monday we swam just over a mile and a half. I was with two other athletic woman, one of the best female swimmers in the valley and the other an amazing ultra runner, and I the cyclist. This week was not my swim, I am never fast, and often times the slowest (it's hard when you have such amazing friends), but it's humbling, and I am so proud of myself for going. Every time I get more comfortable being in spots I can't see the bottom, swimming in choppy waters without panicking, going the distance that looks so far from the safety of the shore, and knowing I can do it! This week I was tired, my legs were shot from a couple of long rides I did on the weekend, it was cooler than it has been and my toes went numb. I felt winded and couldn't get my rhythm for quite sometime, but I was out there, knowing with every stroke I was becoming a better swimmer. I'm dedicated to becoming better, to actually be the best swimmer I can be.

Post swim lunch date

There's a lot of comfort being surrounded by like woman. I was called selfish and a slew of other things in the past by my ex when I would just do the bike portion of a tri with my friends or want to run with my friends on Saturday mornings. I realize now, that some of the things each of us are accomplishing are amazing. That it's ok to do long swims, runs, or rides because doing so I am becoming a better person, discovering bits of me along the way. Building my confidence, so I can be the Mom I want to be to my two kids. It has taught me how to not only be physically strong but mentally too. There was a time, when I was married I wouldn't have gone and done the things I do now with my kids, or my friends on my own, without my husband.

My friend, the ultra runner lost her husband a few years ago to prostrate cancer, she was widowed in her thirties and the mother to that precious girl in the picture above. I was really thinking about it at lunch as we were discussing life. She and I both suffered loss and heartbreak, but when you listen to her speak about the husband she lost, it puts my loss in perspective. She lost a great, man and father, the love of her life. To move past that, is work. To know and live true love, the really deep never ending love and trust, and then for it to be gone one day, that is loss. I realize while my loss hurt at the time, it was for the better. I hadn't yet experienced that kind of love and admiration for one another. While I very much loved my husband, and we had passion, we didn't have trust.  Running saved her from a deep depression and I believe heading out on the bike saved me.  By losing the relationship I was in, I was able to gain so much more in life.

Through time,  these people and experiences I can see this now. I am in a loving relationship with a man that respects that I go run/ride for hours, and in return I respect the fact that he is a cyclist and it takes hours at times, but he loves it. Doing what he loves makes him happy, which makes me happy. That it's ok to go away for a weekend with your girlfriends, because when we surround ourselves with uplifting people we in return are better people to all those around us.

Just feeling really grateful for these opportunities, experiences and the people I've been able to meet in the last few years. It always seems to come back to Jeremiah 29:11. I remember that moment when I read that quote from a friend and thought what could I lose, why not trust in the lord.

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