And We All Fall Down

My life is good, and I am just where I want to be in life at this very moment, but this is life and for all the good, we also get the bad.  I love my job but this week it's been a tough place to be.  I lost a friend, as in she died.  She was a Doctor but more importantly she was a mother to two kids she adored.  The employees of the hospital are all in a state of shock and sadness, she was well liked, compassionate and real.  She will be missed.  As her loss sinks in, and we talk and share of our times with her, it hurts.  I'm constantly seconds away from tears, yet being in the presence of those she made an impact on is comforting.
My son left to YL Malibu camp, the same day I got the news of her passing.  Unlike when he was in Mexico (and sent daily messages to me) I won't hear from him until next Wednesday.  This is hard. For all I dislike about modern technology,  it bites that he doesn't have it at camp, because I miss him something great right now, and just want to tell him I love him.    This might be the only time I say it, but I am glad it's not like when I left for college in Hawaii, no internet and the only way to call home was with a prepaid calling card (remember those).
Then to top all things off this week, I am a divorced Mom.  It becomes clearer and clearer everyday why we are no longer married,  how I lived 14 years with him, I have no clue anymore.  For the most part we actually get along great, it's been enough time our only bits of communication are about our children, but there's bound to be frustration.  Tonight was one of those.  I'm looking at this guy, that goes and does as he pleases, anytime he wants, isn't worried about anything flooding in the torrential rain that was starting, doesn't have to worry about always adjusting his work schedule to get the kids to their different activities, the list goes on and on, and the whole time I am thinking this guy doesn't effing get it.  We disagree, as of course we would.  His feelings are hurt, I don't care.  I just leave and am angry that I was mad at all this, because at the end of the day I WANT to be doing all this for my kids.  I want to be raising them mostly on my own, I like it, majority of the time.....so crap, why did we fight?!
That's my week, in a nutshell.  I am escaping this weekend, thank God because I need it!