March 1st 2011/ March 1st 2012

A year ago I stood in a small court room with three of my best friends, as a judge asked me a few questions,  stamped my papers and dissolved my 12 year marriage, just like that.   Three months before I had filed my paper work, waited the mandatory 90 days, and in 5 minutes a judge declared my marriage dissolved.  The most anti climatic moment ever. Done in almost the same manner as taking a number at the DMV.  Not sure what I expected.   Maybe I wanted to tell the judge that my husband was a ...........  That I didn't want my family broken up.  That I had already weathered all this in 2007 .  That the night before I went to court he was calling, asking if we could just wait.   The flowers he sent that  morning  also hurt.   In the end all I said was "yes, I was married December 28th, 1998 in Kaanapali, HI".  Done.
Those 24 hours were such a blur, but yet so clear in my mind.  I thank God, for my amazing friends.  Who were with me the entire afternoon and evening as my support.  I know I am very lucky.

In my new beginning I began to search out my faith again.  I started appreciating the day to day tasks with my kids even more.  My mind slowly started coming to peace.   I took time to figure out who I was, what my priorities in life were, how I want to be as a Mother.  I traveled.  Each day as I became more and more independent, it took me further and further away from the hurt and betrayal of my ex, to place of self worth.

Peace and closure have appeared throughout the year.  I settled into a  routine raising the kids the way I want them raised.  Figuring out the ins and outs of the business, that was once a shared responsibility.  I found love, probably when I least expected it.

Originally what I thought would give me peace would be answers.  I wanted to know if my instincts and suspicions were correct.  I felt like I needed the answers.  In time I came to terms with the fact that I may  never get those answers.  But the answers came, also when I least expected it.  I realize now,  I needed to get to a place of peace and love, BEFORE I knew what happened.   While there was no feeling of vindication with these answers, there was definitely a feeling of relief, this is no longer my life.  He hasn't changed, and it's not the way I would want to live anymore.  A feeling of closing the door on that chapter, and embracing love in a way I have never experienced.
I still don't know what exactly my future holds, but do any of us?  What I do know is there is a plan for me, and I just need to trust in it.  To learn from past mistakes, and enjoy the possibilities of each day!
Thank you again to ALL who have followed this years journey with me.  It was not easy, and many tears were shed through the year.  But I am a healthy, happy Mom of two extraordinary kids, with great family, the best girlfriends (and their significant others) a girl could ask for, and a man I get to experience a deeper kind of love with.     Tonight those girls and I will toast to the blessed year it has been!

This was a verse that what shared with me early on.  I fell in love with it and reminded myself daily.  Thanks Patti!
¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11
****Thank you Mom and Dad for coming over to watch my kiddos tonight while I met with the girls.  I love you guys!