I have to say in my marriage from 1998 (when I got married) to 2007 (until I figured shit out) I may have suffered from the first part of this article. I believed in marriage I should always be happy, that we both should be happy, but truthfully I should be happy. I was in a constant state of disappointment when my mate would let me down. You throw two small kids and owning a business into the mix there's bound to be disappointment in one another in something. Lots of blame on both parts why things weren't going the way we wanted them too. Usually it was a cumulative of things building, not parenting the way I thought he should, agreeing to do a project, but not getting it done in my time frame, it was anything big or small, I just thought when you were in a marriage life should be bliss, why should "I" be doing all the work.
The light came on after a major crash in 2007. One that forced me to really, REALLY think about what it was I wanted in a relationship and what I wanted out of life. I also had to forgive. I had talked with people that had been married for years, and I learned a lot. I also learned that it wasn't always easy, but that is the beauty of a marriage.....the ability to work together through the difficult times, to always know you will work through things. In 2007 I changed my perception of my marriage, and my life changed for the better. I was happier, and prouder of the person I was. I chose to accept and love ALL aspects of my husband. I was more giving, without resentment. Things that use to irritate me I was able to look at differently, and actually loved it, because we are two individuals. We weren't the same person and didn't have to be, it was a change in perspective and a vision (from talking with others) of our future evolving. I pictured us with our kids getting older, more independent, where we were able to take more time for ourselves. I pictured the kids out of the house, and us visiting at college, I pictured holidays in which the kids came home with their families and stayed with us, and being me of course I pictured us traveling the world, all the while knowing and loving on a deeper more intimate level because of our time and experiences together.
Ok so my marriage didn't work. I was married for 3 and half more years after I "figured shit out", I was happy and I thought we were happy. Life seemed (and was) good to me. We can't control another, and sometimes they don't figure things out, or at least the way we want them too. It's ok, because I figured things out, and I am happy to be able to continue to apply that to my life and one day marriage again.
This article is great, one that all newish (not entirely new, because at that stage you can't possibly imagine not being blissfully happy) married couples should read.
http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/06/the-truth-about-marriage-monogamy-long-term-partnership/
No comments:
Post a Comment