I was thinking about what I like most about my friend Jessica's blog, and it's her honest approach. Through my blog I have met many great people, and throughout this divorce journey received emails, FB messages and so on with support, and sharing of stories. All very much appreciated. That being said I should also share an ugly side of me that came out Thursday night. It's no secret I don't like my ex. I won't go into the long list why, but he knows how to get under my skin, and he does. Well a combination of being tired, PMS, and the fact the kids will be gone for a week, I felt hatred towards him...yep I did. I unleashed and told him so. The crappy thing is I was so upset with my behavior after, and my lack of control to keep myself from saying it. It seriously does no good, and accomplishes nothing with this man, not to mention I have to endure his smug response...great.
I think you all know my strong bond with my kids. The hatred I felt towards the ex at that moment stems from what I consider selfish choices he made, that has lead me to missing a week at Christmas with my kids. I know I should consider myself lucky to be in this situation and to have my kids majority of the time, I get it! But above all else I am a Mother first, my first priority, and the greatest joy in my life is the two amazing kids I raise, and I want them everyday! Truly baffles me, the mothers that are ok giving up so much of their time with their kids. I am lucky to surround myself with such strong woman. They are wonderful, dedicated mothers, they get it when I am upset at the "ex"!
There you have it, my "not so" calm, cool and collected moment!
And not my most proud moment!
1 comment:
It's frustrating, especially around the holidays and special events. There's the other side of the coin though, the father who WANTS to spend more time with the kids and the mother who WONT allow it. That's where we struggle these days.
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